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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27352837">Shattered Twilight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaMQuinn/pseuds/SamanthaMQuinn'>SamanthaMQuinn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crime Scenes, Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, F/M, Graphic Description of Corpses, Horror, Multi, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Serial Killers, Sexual Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:02:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27352837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaMQuinn/pseuds/SamanthaMQuinn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Torn down by personal tragedy and slammed against a wall of impossible horror, Bella is confronted with her own mortality in the most painful way possible. Driven to extremes, while playing a dangerous game against a mysterious and monstrous adversary, she must forge new relationships based on a fragile trust, or die alone in darkness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Arrival</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title: Shattered Twilight<br/>Genre: Drama, Romance, Mystery, Thriller, Horror<br/>World: Twilight - Books<br/>Rating: M for violence (including graphic descriptions of bloody corpses and crime scenes, sexual violence, and body horror), explicit language, sexual situations (not explicit, but mature), adult situations and a lot of it involving teenagers.<br/>Couples: F/F Pairings - The primary characters are Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Leah and Angela plus a few original characters.<br/>Changes to Canon: See some details in Author's Notes</p>
<p>Twilight is owned by a bunch of people and corporate entities that are not me. I fully acknowledge that I am using those characters without permission, but with no intent to distribute for profit. In other words, no Copyright infringement is intended!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p><em>- Isabella Marie Swan, 17 years old</em> <strong>.</strong></p>
<p>
  <em>"I set fire to the rain. Watched it pour as I touched your face. Let it burn while I cried. Cause I heard it screaming out your name." - Adele</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Saturday, September 1st</strong>
</p>
<p>The September rain was thick and moved horizontally in rivulets across the partially fogged up passenger side window. The deluge was so dense that for a second I wished I was out in the downpour, then I could hide the tears actively streaming down my face. I hated crying, but I couldn't seem to stop myself despite the company. Even though my emotions were on the surface, deep down I'd only just started to get over the numbness of grief.</p>
<p>I had been enveloped in a grey cloud for nearly two weeks, which had only begun to fade on the plane, unfortunately it was replaced by an overwhelming sense of dread. I was returning to Forks, a small town nestled within the Olympic Peninsula in the northwest corner of Washington State. I'd already escaped the rain drenched town once five years ago when my mother Renee married a minor league baseball player named Phillip Marlow and settled down in Phoenix, Arizona.</p>
<p>I would miss Phoenix; the blistering heat, the friendly people, and the blindingly bright blue sky. And I would miss my flaky and eccentric mother, and her crazy stories about the endless string of dead end jobs she could never keep for longer than six months. I would miss her uneven attempts at cooking, and the lessons she taught me when she talked about the stupid nights of her reckless adolescence. I would miss her voice and her laugh, I would miss her smile and the smell of her hair, I would miss a thousand little things about her. Mostly though, I would just miss her, every day for the rest of my life.</p>
<p>It had been twelve days since the drunk driver plowed into Phil's cherry red Cadillac. I buried them both on a Thursday and my heart wept. She was the one that always made me laugh, she was my confidant and best friend. She loved life, and had a spark of energy that seemed to make things seem bright even on my darkest day. All of those things I loved about her were gone, because of some fucking moron who had too much to drink, and got behind the wheel of a car. I'm not a hateful or vengeful person normally, but as I heard some stranger deliver her eulogy, I hoped the sonofabitch would rot in hell. It didn't matter who he was, or that his family was in mourning too. I was just glad he was dead.</p>
<p>It was Charlie's expression that sent me over the edge. Until I saw the pain on his face, crossed with a touch of pity, I couldn't really see my own grief. Of course it was a reflection, because his pain mirrored my own. Mom divorced Dad pretty early on, but they both felt it wasn't a great idea to move me around too much. Until I was ten, I spent the school year in Forks, and several weeks of my summer vacation with Mom. She would show up with a different car every time, and we'd travel in a random direction until we reached some equally random destination. Like the desert in Maine, or the forbidden gardens in Texas, or Lucy the Elephant in New Jersey, to name a few.</p>
<p>It was fun, most of the time. Until we started to run out of money, and we had to stop in some god awful dusty little town somewhere in the rural outback of America. I didn't know what she did to get us going again, but we were never stranded for longer than a couple of days. Everything changed when she met Phil. It was like the world suddenly righted itself for her, and she never needed to wander again. Until she settled down with him, she never had a place she really called home. She hadn't lived with Dad for years but still listed his house as her permanent address, and still got all her mail sent there. A fact that used to really drive Charlie a bit nuts.</p>
<p>It was because she was settled, and I had started to detest Forks, that I begged Dad to let me move in with Mom. I was almost eleven when he finally relented and I transferred to Phoenix for school that year. That following summer was the first time I refused to go back to Forks. Instead, Dad and I vacationed in California. The year after, it was Hawaii. The summer after that we went to visit Dad's sister Marie, and her family up in Denali, Alaska.</p>
<p>I remember wondering if it was something genetic that seemed to draw my Dad's family to small remote towns, cursed with constant cold and rain. Talk about a weird summer vacation. It wasn't too bad though. Marie's twin girls Helena and Margaret, were just a little older than me and they were both fun to hang out with. I spent most of my time there playing fantasy games in the vast and beautiful Alaskan wilderness by their house. We'd also make up stores about the odd and incredibly gorgeous family that lived in a giant house on the outskirts of town. I think we were all just trying to imagine what it would be like to be that rich and beautiful.</p>
<p>The following two years weren't nearly as memorable, since Dad's vacation time was shortened because of his promotion to the Chief of Police. I knew that he missed me terribly when I was gone, and the years apart from him were tough on me as well. I just didn't like to think of how much it hurt him to be separated from me. Until one afternoon in July when Mom was working in the garden, and I caught her crying. She covered that she had dirt in her eyes, but I could tell it was time. I'd seen that look on my father's face the last few years when he hugged me goodbye at the airport. In that moment, I realized I could solve both problems with one simple solution; I would move back in with Dad.</p>
<p>I had planned to move back to Forks after winter break. I had it all worked out, I'd decided to broach the subject with Mom after school got started. If I'd done it in the few days after seeing her cry in her garden she'd have known I was doing it for her, and she would've absolutely refused. Cutting off your nose to spite your face, was a trait that seemed to run in her side of the family. At least it explained where I inherited my stubbornness. I knew she wouldn't have let me go, even if it made her happier in the long run. I even practiced having the inevitable argument that I'd have with her. Prepping counters to all her logical objections.</p>
<p>I never got the opportunity.</p>
<p>Callie had helped figure out everything since she was the executer of both Phil and Mom's joint will. I was their sole beneficiary. She'd been mom's best friend for going on six years. I loved her like a crazy aunt, but she was awesome when I needed her most. We laughed, and told stories, and packed. Neither of us could cry though, it was just too close to admitting that Mom was gone. Phil's family showed up a few days later. Dad couldn't get away from work for the funeral; or at least that's what he said, I was pretty sure it was an excuse, since they hadn't spoken face to face since I'd moved to Phoenix.</p>
<p>My luggage was full of cold weather clothes that Callie helped me pick out. Yet I wore a white short-sleeve eyelet lace shirt as a goodbye gesture to the sun, and the life I was leaving behind. That was another thing I'd miss, the sun. Forks was almost always overcast. Cloudy and rainy, which was probably my least favorite thing in the world. I hated the rain.</p>
<p>"You call me." She said for the thousandth time. It was the last time we'd see each other for a long time, and it was nearly impossible to say goodbye. Callie behind the wheel was an iffy prospect at best. She seemed to regard traffic signs and lights as vague suggestions. 'The light wasn't red, it was pink,' was a constant refrain after the sound of honking horns. We'd made it to the airport with an hour to spare, just enough time to check in. "I could keep the house for you." I almost said yes, but I could see the sacrifice behind her eyes. I stared at her for a long minute, memorizing her face. It was funny but I'd never noticed that I looked more like her than I did like my mother. That was probably because I got most of my looks from my father, my dark hair and porcelain skin. My eyes were my mother's though, and I also got her smile. Not that I used it as much as she had.</p>
<p>"I can't let you do that, I said we should split the money and I meant it." I had offered her an even split of the profits from the sale of the house, because mom would've loved it. The rest of their estate, including life insurance, was already more money than I knew what to do with.</p>
<p>"Okay… if you really mean it. Say hello to your family for me." I hugged her again, holding her a bit longer than needed. Then I raced through airport security, and to my gate just as my boarding group was called.</p>
<p>The plane trip was tolerable; at least it wasn't filled with annoying people, or crying babies. Either one would have had me eyeing the nearest escape hatch enviously. Since it was a morning flight, almost everyone napped. I listened to music and tried to read, but I was too anxious and miserable. After that four hour flight, there was the puddle jumper to Port Angeles which was barely an hour up and down, and I could practically feel my anxiety level rising with every foot we descended. Then I was cautiously walking down the slippery steps toward the tarmac, where I could just make out Charlie standing stoically in the rain. He had his uniform hat on, complete with the translucent plastic cover to protect the fabric from the elements. From a distance I could just make out the silver of his badge poking through the sheer white vinyl.</p>
<p>We exchanged a single tight hug and I kept my face away from him as the tears began to roll down my cheeks. We didn't speak a word until we got to the car. It was his cruiser of course, which made me frown because I was dreading having him drive me all over town in it. I had already mentally nicknamed it the 'loser cruiser', which was lame, but so was the prospect of being chauffeured around in it. My only hope was that he would let me buy the car I wanted, even though it meant going to Seattle. I didn't want to be the one to break the silence, but someone had to say something because the hypnotic blur of green and brown speeding by my window was giving me a slight headache.</p>
<p>"So, I thought I'd look into getting a car. I have some of mom's money already… that would basically pay it off and more than cover insurance until college." I said it half to the wilderness, afraid to look him in the eye. He nodded a little absently. I caught his reflection in the glass of my window, and it made me turn towards him. I tried to wipe my eyes as subtly as possible before looking over.</p>
<p>"Sue's about to sell Harry's old Chevy. You can have it." He glanced at me once as he spoke. I could tell from his expression that I reminded him too much of her. I blinked at the sudden offer. I could clearly remember the black and chrome of the Chevy. The last time I saw it, it had been fully restored and very pretty. I thought back to those sunny afternoons playing in the Clearwater's front yard, while Harry labored for hours waxing and polishing it. Having a water fight with Leah while trying to wash it as a surprise before Harry got home. And the hours in the back seat playing road games with Seth and Leah on the weekly fishing trips with our fathers. I couldn't take it away from his kids though.</p>
<p>"Leah and Seth don't mind?" I asked feeling a little guilty.</p>
<p>"Leah doesn't want it, I think it reminds her of her father. It's hard to tell most days. Not that's she's talking to me anymore." He was baiting me so that he could get something off his chest, but I didn't want to tackle that battle just yet so I ignored the bait.</p>
<p>"What about Seth, he's almost fifteen?" Charlie shook his head, and frowned obviously disappointed I hadn't responded to his unspoken problem.</p>
<p>"He's… angry. I... Seth's always off doing something reckless. Neither of us trust him with a car yet. He also doesn't want anything to do with Harry's stuff. It's like he's trying to avoid facing the fact that his dad is gone." Again he sounded a little overwhelmed, and it occurred to me he hadn't been an active parent in half a decade.</p>
<p>"Hmmm." I didn't want to add more until I'd gotten there. I couldn't be more happy to call Sue my new mother, since she was already like a second mother to me, and in a way she was more of a mother than mine had ever been.</p>
<p>Renee was extremely loving, but hardly a role model. Half the time I ended up taking care of all the household stuff, and as I got older she left more and more stuff for me to do, like pay the bills using her checking account. When Phil came into our lives I felt it was my duty to vet him, so I picked a fight to make sure he was the real deal.</p>
<p>I decided to stop the conversation before it could get into the nitty-gritty of family issues, and whatever was bothering him about Leah.</p>
<p>"How's the fishing been?" I grimaced. It was all I could think of to change the subject. I'd asked about fishing only a few times before in similar situations, and I was always too transparent.</p>
<p>"Right." He said with a sigh, shaking his head again in minor disappointment. "Well it's been okay." Then he launched into a short lecture on the virtues of fly fishing, I think. I'd heard it all on the fishing trips we took when I was really little, back before I stopped going. So I sort of zoned him out after a while. I didn't know why the distraction to his favorite hobby always worked, but I didn't question it, and the soft drone of his voice actually made the ride easier. The rest of the drive passed by relatively easily, and sooner than I wanted we were at the new house.</p>
<p>The place was bigger than I thought it would be, not a mansion or anything, but very comfortable for a family of five. Dad parked the cruiser on right side of the driveway farthest from the door. There was space big enough for another car next to it. The garage was also spacious enough to fit two cars at least, I wondered idly if Harry's Chevy was in there. I reasoned that the house was possible because of Sue's recently opened law office that was getting a lot of business, and Dad's promotion had given him enough money to live comfortably. I always got a big check every birthday and Christmas, since he was a notoriously bad shopper. I admired Sue for her ability to turn tragedy into something positive. After Harry died she went back school, and passed the Barr exam, while managing a full time job and being a single mother.</p>
<p>Having a good lawyer in town had proven to be a boon she wasn't expecting. We had stayed in fairly constant contact until she married Dad and her life got too busy. She told me that first day she opened was one of the scariest she's ever had, with nearly twenty clients all showing up in a four hour period. I knew it was ranked number three in the top nerve wracking moments in her life, after her first wedding night, and the night she spent alone for the first time after Harry was gone. I was looking forward to reconnecting to her the most, well except for Leah who had once been my best friend.</p>
<p>I hadn't talked with Leah in nearly five years, although I'd spent countless hours playing with her as a kid. Those happy memories were tainted by the fight we had before I left. It had all boiled down to Leah being pissed that I was going away. It was really a one sided fight, since I couldn't blame her for being angry. I did move away, and I did so by choice.</p>
<p>The foyer somehow had the same smell as dad's old house, pine and moss with just the barest hint of dead fish. I tried not retch as I moved into the living room, and thankfully the smell didn't continue past the entryway. I felt awkward, this was my new home and I'd never stepped foot in it before. The house was furnished well, with Sue's elegant tastes showing up the furniture and in the little details all over the house. I could tell Dad had very little to say in the decorating. He lead me up the front stairs to my room. It was bigger than my one in Phoenix, and had a nice view of the back yard and the forest beyond. There was a Jack and Jill bathroom that I would have to share with Leah, and my closet was practically a second room.</p>
<p>Sue had a good memory, I could tell she had picked out the new furniture with my tastes in mind. There was plenty rich dark wood and hints of purple, silver, and blue in the two paintings, ornate objects placed stylishly on surfaces, and some little tchotchkes that made me smile. Sitting on the large mahogany desk was a gorgeous framed picture of my mom. A large flat black monitor dominated the center of the desk, and next to the keyboard was a small silver foil wrapped box tied up with a purple bow. On the big carved wood headboard there was a big dream catcher hanging from the top, and in the far was corner a tall, mostly empty bookcase that had one shelf full of books I loved.</p>
<p>The bed was queen sized, and had new sheets and a big overstuffed purple duvet. Taking it all in made me feel immediately conflicted. This was a room I immediately loved, and it was one I would've ended up with no matter what because I'd told Dad about my plans to come live in Forks way back in July. I just couldn't find the right time to break the news to mom. She died never knowing I was going to leave her so that she could be with Phil during his tour of away games. That little hint of guilt seemed to rise up and punch me in the stomach, and made it difficult to stand. So I laid down on the bed, dropping my stuff on the reading chair by the window that looked out over the back yard.</p>
<p>I'd forgotten that Charlie was even there, and glanced back to see he that he hadn't lingered. My mother would've been on the bed with me, brushing my hair with absentminded strokes and humming some half forgotten song she couldn't get out of her head. For a moment I could almost feel her hand circling the small of my back, something she did to calm me down when I was sick or upset. I cried, off and on for a couple of hours lost in memories and reminisces, until Leah and Seth came home from school. Dad checked on me a couple of times without intruding, it reminded me how much I loved him.</p>
<p>I heard a short exchange downstairs, then someone came rushing upstairs. I listened as whoever it was pause at the top of the stairs, and then walk slowly down the hallway to my room. Then there was another short pause before a hesitant knock. I wiped my tears in a useless attempt to hide the fact that I'd been crying, before answering, and sat up wrapping my duvet around my shoulders. "Come in."</p>
<p>Leah stood in the doorway looking pensive, with an ever so slight scowl on her pretty face. "Hey sis." She smirked, and I frowned at the sarcasm.</p>
<p>"Hey. Been too long." Seeing her again reminded me why Leah had been one of my closest friends along with Angela, Jessica, Olivia, and Lauren. Last I'd heard she was dating someone named Sam, and it had ended very badly. I looked at her for a long moment, and tried to express how sorry I was. She frowned at me, her mildly smug smile turned into a frown.</p>
<p>"Ugh, you too. I don't know what Charlie told you but it's none of your business." She snapped at me, clearly irritated. Her anger was lost on me, so I tried to give her a look that would make her understand that I was out of the loop. After a moment of examining my face to determine whether I was having fun at her expense, her frown lessened, and then she shook her head at me.</p>
<p>"Oh, you really have no idea. I'm sorry." She looked ashamed, so I gave her a warm smile to placate her. The gesture was probably ruined by my puffy and bloodshot eyes. The edges of my lips twitched a little, smiling still felt a little weird.</p>
<p>"Close the door, tell me what's going on." I said as more of an order than a request. She hesitated a moment before she obeyed, and shut the door gently. Then she set my bag on the floor and plopped down into the chair by the window.</p>
<p>"I honestly have no idea where to start." She said clearly relaxing. The static between us was suddenly gone, and it was like no time had passed at all. The easy way we could just be in each other's presence returned. I shrugged in response, I wasn't sure what to suggest.</p>
<p>"At the beginning? Or not." I offered. She chuckled, and looked down at her hands.</p>
<p>"I assume you heard about Sam?" I nodded once, then she continued, "Okay, do you remember Emily?" Again I nodded, she was Leah and Seth's first cousin who lived a few hours away. Emily had visited enough that I'd gotten to know her a bit better than passing.</p>
<p>"Well Sam left me for her. The thing that kills me is we were good. I mean really close to being long term. So Sam goes away for a week, and comes back different. I mean… weird. I don't know how to explain it. Then Emily came to visit and the moment they took a single look at each other it was over. Suddenly I'm left behind. I still don't know what happened. I was totally blindsided, and I can't stop feeling angry all the time because of it." She did sound angry, but it was the kind of anger that came from true sadness and hurt. I could tell that she loved this Sam, no matter what the reasons were for the break up, I was on Leah's side. I got up and sat on one of the arms of the overstuffed chair, pulling her into a hug, which surprised her a little, but she seemed happy to have the support.</p>
<p>"If he can't see how awesome you are, then he doesn't deserve you." I knew it was a platitude, but it was the best I could do. She pulled away suddenly, wiping tears from her eyes.</p>
<p>"She. Sam's a she." She said timidly. I blinked a few times in shock, then smiled at her.</p>
<p>"Sam, short for Samantha I imagine?" Leah nodded once. "Well than she doesn't deserve you." The look on her face spoke volumes. I returned to the bed, and pulled my knees up to my chin. It was nice to think about stuff that had nothing to do with my pain. It made me regret retreating from Charlie's need to talk earlier.</p>
<p>"I thought you were still pissed off over the fight we had before I left, and maybe because Dad talked about giving me the Chevy." I felt a little stupid assuming what her issues were, but I was glad she wasn't angry at me.</p>
<p>"I got over you leaving a long time ago. I realized that you needed to spend time with your mother, so there's nothing worry about. Oh god, I'm so selfish. I'm sorry." Her eyes flew open as she clearly realized that we hadn't mentioned my mother yet. I shook my head at her sudden shame.</p>
<p>"My turn, don't worry about it. I'm cried out, and I need to think about something else for a while." She gave me a sympathetic smile, I could tell she knew exactly what I meant.</p>
<p>"Okay, if you're sure. I don't mind talking about it if you need someone." I nodded a thank you, genuinely touched she would offer.</p>
<p>She paused for a moment, then continued, "I honestly don't give a rat's ass about the car. I kind of hated the boat, sometimes it felt like he loved it more than us. No, that's not fair, I know he loved us, but sometimes... anyway I have a Toyota that I love quite a bit, thank you very much. And mom's been trying to off load the beast for over a year now. If you like it, then I'm more than happy for you to have it." She was masking well, and her sympathy covered her pain to a degree, but I could tell there was something she was holding back. I wasn't sure I should push, but I couldn't let her deal with pain alone, not after she offered to be my shoulder to cry on.</p>
<p>"What aren't you telling me? Is it something to do with Sam?" I asked tentatively. She sighed, and closed her eyes for a moment. A couple of tears fell down her cheeks, and she pulled out a tissue to blow her nose a couple of times. Then drew in a deep breath and looked at me, stealing herself up for something.</p>
<p>"I, you don't know how much it means that you accept me. Charlie doesn't accept my choices. Mom tries, but she doesn't really know how to handle my sexuality. It's like this massive cloud hanging over my head, and it feels like I'm just a burden lately. I don't think they want me around anymore." She sounded like her world was falling apart. I looked at her horrified. I couldn't believe my father would be so intolerant. I moved back to the chair and pulled her into another hug, and this time squeezing tightly to let her know I was someone she could trust and would never reject her.</p>
<p>"Oh god. I'm so sorry. I'll yell at him later. You're not getting kicked out as long as I have anything to say about it." I said feeling an indignant anger that tempted me to storm downstairs that very second.</p>
<p>"You don't have to do that." She said sounding worried.</p>
<p>"You don't have to be afraid. I mean I went through something similar a while ago." I said directly, feeling the need to display confidence so that she could feel better about herself.</p>
<p>"You're a lesbian?" She asked as if the word was a curse.</p>
<p>"Not exactly. I'm bisexual. I had a boyfriend for a while, Michael. I thought I was in love with him, and began to get intimate, until he figured out he was gay. So it got pretty awkward very quickly. I was hurt, but not as badly as I thought I would be. So I started to wonder if maybe I liked girls more. That's when I realized I was into both. I had a girlfriend for a while, she's actually the reason I'm not dead, we were breaking up when the crash happened." I felt that pang of guilt again, for the thousandth time.</p>
<p>I paused and held my breath for a heartbeat, pushing down any unwanted feelings. The last thing Leah needed was to hear about my irrational survivors guilt. I started up again, ignoring Leah's curious expression. "Last spring, when I came out to my Mom she was floored, but totally supported me. It was one of the few times I've been proud of her, but Phil didn't understand, at first."</p>
<p>"What changed his mind?" She was staring at me intently.</p>
<p>"Mom, she talked at him until he understood. She is…was like a force of nature when she wanted something, or was trying to get a point across. She had a lot of power, and nothing was quite the same after she was done. I had to stand there holding in laughter for an hour as she lectured him." I couldn't help but smile at the memory.</p>
<p>"Wow, that's awesome." She gave me a slightly awestruck smile, but I could tell she had some mixed feelings about my story.</p>
<p>"I know, I..." I felt another surge of grief flow up from my throat strangling my words. I stopped the tears though.</p>
<p>"I am sorry about before. I thought Charlie would've told you. You know, he frowns whenever I mention Sam, it's almost like she doesn't exist in his eyes. I haven't even said her name for months. Do you really want to get in the middle of this?" I could tell she was desperate, so I nodded a couple of times emphatically.</p>
<p>"I don't know what to say." Her voice trembled a bit as she spoke, and her face finally lifted out of the scowl, beaming at me with a hopeful smile.</p>
<p>"It's the least I can do. Leah I'd do anything for you. You're still one of my closest friends, and I'm actually proud to think of you as a sister. I know I hurt you when I left, but I never abandoned you. Not in my heart." Another platitude, but one I felt genuine about. I was absolutely loyal to my friends. Leah sniffled a few times, and blew her nose again. Then she dried her eyes and looked back at me with such gratitude that it was hard to take.</p>
<p>"Don't you dare say thank you." I warned.</p>
<p>"Alright." She moved to get up so I stood with her. Then she gave me another hug, and started to leave. "I need a bit of time to think, could you get me when mom gets home?" I nodded once, and she headed out of the room. For the first time since mom died I felt almost human. I never thought dealing with someone else's problems would make things feels so much better.</p>
<p>Once she was holed up in her room I ventured downstairs and searched for my father. He was in the garage, tinkering with his still. A year or so before I moved to Phoenix, someone had given the still to him as a present and discovered that he thoroughly enjoyed trying to brew beer as a hobby. It was obvious he'd put a little more money into the still since I'd left to live with Mom. It seemed to have tripled in size since the last time I'd seen it, and now it took up almost half the garage. The Chevy occupied the rest of the space, which made everything feel a little cramped. I was mildly surprised it still looked as clean and well maintained as it had been when Harry was alive.</p>
<p>"I talked to Leah." I said tonelessly. He stopped what he was doing, and set down the socket wrench he was using to tighten the frame for the fermentation rig.</p>
<p>"Can I explain?" He replied without turning around. Although he did straighten up.</p>
<p>"Sure, I'm not sure what you can say though." I kept my voice flat, but I shook my head at him, even though he couldn't see me do it.</p>
<p>"Harry asked me to protect them, and I betrayed him by falling in love with Sue. I think I've been in love with her for a long time, I just couldn't admit it." He sounded broken, and his head slumped a little as if he had already given up his internal struggle.</p>
<p>"The car, you've been keeping it up to honor Harry?" I guessed.</p>
<p>"Yeah. I don't know how to be a good husband and father, and still honor my friend. It feels like I'm always second guessing myself." He finally turned around, and he looked horrible. He was a wreck, and my indignant anger faded immediately.</p>
<p>"Look, all she needs is acceptance. You could try to be someone that she can trust, if you can't be her father. If you think Harry wouldn't have liked her choices, toss those bitter reminders of intolerance away and make up your own mind about how you feel." I tried to sound at least a little sympathetic but I needed to know how he really felt.</p>
<p>"That's just it, I don't know how I feel. I mean I want her to be happy, but she's choosing a hard life, one where she might never be treated fairly, or have kids. It feels like if I don't try and fight for her to have a normal life no one will." I frowned at his ignorance, but respected his desire to help.</p>
<p>"It isn't a choice, it kind of just is. I can't help that I like girls, I just do." I said leveling a very serious look in his direction. It took a moment for him to absorb what I'd said, but when he did his eyes widened slightly and his mouth fell open a hair.</p>
<p>"Wait… wha….I... I... I'm sorry?" He stumbled over his apology. I narrowed my eyes at him. I wasn't sure what he was apologizing for; the unintentional insult or if was he pitying my sexual orientation too.</p>
<p>"What do you mean." My voice came out as hiss. I could feel anger already building.</p>
<p>"You're a les..." He started to say, when I detected the accusation in his tone I turned away from him without another word and stormed out of the garage. "Wait, Bella! I'm sorry." He shouted as he followed me into the house. I stopped in the kitchen and leaned forward into the butcher-block top of the island. My knuckles turning white from the pressure I was placing on the wood. "Would you look at me?" He said sternly. I stood firm. After another minute he grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.</p>
<p>My eyes met his, and I could tell he see my rage very clearly, not that I was bothering to hide it. I had suffered through two weeks of being in a fog, and a whole day of dealing with pent up emotions over my mother. I could almost feel myself building up to a breaking point like mercury rising dangerously high in a thermometer. I was ready to lash out at something in the worst way. Unfortunately for my father, he was about to get a lecture no matter what he said.</p>
<p>I held out my finger, which ended up directly under his chin as I started to rant loudly in his face. "Why? You're apparently so wrapped up in your own guilt, and your own worries about what Harry may or may not approve of, that you can't see it's hurting the people around you. You've got one daughter thinking that you don't want her around. Yes, she's your daughter now. You've got another daughter that's been here less than twelve hours who's now so pissed that she's ready to turn around and head back to Phoenix and stay with Callie through graduation. You've got a son, who is from what you tell me, angry at the world. And I can't help but notice this guilt didn't stop you from banging their mother!"</p>
<p>His eyes narrowed in a scowl, and I inwardly winced slightly. Maybe I went a little overboard with the last comment. In some ways Dad was like me, hard to rile, but when he did lose it, hit the decks.</p>
<p>Rather than let give him a chance to respond, since I knew he'd jump on the comment about Sue, I kept him on the defensive. "So what if Leah's gay? So what if I'm bisexual? Does that makes either of us less worthy of your love? Leah's upstairs nursing a broken heart and you can't get over this pity party you're throwing for yourself long enough to be a damn father. Something she needs right now. Something I wouldn't mind having right now. A family which is supposed to love you unconditionally. If you've got a problem with any of that, let's have it out, right the fuck now." I accentuated those final few words to make a point.</p>
<p>His eyes widened at my tirade, especially because with every point I'd made I'd taken a step forward, forcing him to back up against the fridge. He swallowed visibly and I could almost see the light click on over his head.</p>
<p>His voice was apologetic and grew in strength as he spoke. "I'm… sorry… I didn't think…" He squared his shoulders a little bit. "I need you to understand something. I don't care if you're a lesbian. I'll do whatever you need me to so that you understand that. I'll go to any stupid support group you'd like, I'll march in whatever parade, I'll go out into the middle of the street and shout that I love my gay daughter. I just don't want you, or Leah to think you can only be one way. I just want you to keep your mind open so you don't regret your choices."</p>
<p>"What about your need to honor Harry?" I asked him worried that his change of heart was just a bit too quick to be believable.</p>
<p>"Fuck Harry. I didn't realize how big of a dick I was being until now.. I... should go up and apologize to Leah about Samantha. I can hear your mother lecturing me now about how I've acted." He sounded genuine, and his excuse made sense. I had no doubt that he loved me, and if he was sincere I could easily forgive him for being indecisive.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I told Leah about how she did that to Phil." I said looking down at my feet.</p>
<p>"I'll send her down to explain about the car, she's the only one that can get her started." I looked up at him confused.</p>
<p>"I clean her, she keeps the engine running." He explained.</p>
<p>"Oh, that's... she told me she didn't care about the car." I said suddenly worried that she really did want the car, but was too proud to admit it.</p>
<p>"If you like I'll ask her?" He said as I shook my head.</p>
<p>"No, I'll get it out of her when she explains things." I gave him a tight smile and pushed past him to the garage. I could feel his eyes on me as I left the room, but he turned towards the stairs instead of following me again.</p>
<p>I sat in the car for a long time getting the feel of her, trying to think of a good name. Leah startled me half an hour later when she got into the passenger's side and hit the garage door opener.</p>
<p>"If we're going over stuff, let's go and get her filled up. The station isn't far." I nodded and buckled up. "Thank you. I don't know what you said, though I did hear muffled shouting through my bedroom door, but I've never seen him like that."</p>
<p>"I just said that if he has a problem with you, then he has a problem with me. That opened his eyes a bit." I kept my eyes on the road, but gave her a small smile.</p>
<p>Leah looked at me, "Whatever you said, I can't tell you what…."</p>
<p>"I said no need to thank me, and I meant it." I cut her off seriously.</p>
<p>"Gotcha. So, Dad never named her, he was strange about stuff like that. She's temperamental sometimes too, but if you treat her right she'll last you forever." I smiled at that, it sounded like Harry. After a moment she continued. "The gear shift sticks in neutral a little so you have to shove it through the H. The clutch needs to be double pumped or it won't register, don't bother with forth gear, and you need to fill her up with mid-grade since that's what dad always used since he bought her in 83'. She also needs real oil, never synthetic." I stared at her feeling a touch overwhelmed.</p>
<p>"That all?" I asked sardonically.</p>
<p>"I think so. Oh yeah, the trunk will always smell like that so don't bother trying to clean it. I think dad left a cooler of fish in there for a month once and the stench permeated into the metal." She explained with a bit of a grimace.</p>
<p>"Lovely." I didn't try to hide the disgust in my voice.</p>
<p>"I know right." She grinned widely.</p>
<p>"So, spit it out. Do you want the car or not, I won't be upset either way. I have enough money for something else." She looked away, but I could see her frown in the glass of her window. I lingered for a second too long, but didn't lose sight of the road.</p>
<p>"I love this car, but it isn't mine. I could never drive her, I'd feel like dad was judging me every time I went over a pothole wrong. So no I don't want her, but I'd love to maintain her for you." I risked a glance at her again, and I could tell she was being absolutely serious.</p>
<p>I took her at her word, and didn't mention it again. We got home about an hour before Sue was due, and we ended up talking about Samantha and my ex-girlfriend Jocelyn in the kitchen. Again it was as if no time has passed since we were together, and as we talked I felt a new kind of happiness begin to form in the hole left by my mother. I had a family still, and they were people that I already loved. Charlie stayed in garage, he had a new batch of beer that he said would be his best ever. I was dubious, but Leah assured me that he was probably right. Then when he was out of ear shot, reaffirmed it, but said it was because he had yet to make any that was remotely drinkable, so pretty much anything he made would be an improvement.</p>
<p>Seth showed up about ten minutes before dinner. Charlie gave him a reproving glare as he nearly passed me by without saying hello. He gave me a halfhearted wave and a slightly fake smile before running up to his room. I glanced at Leah with a worried expression, she just shook her head.</p>
<p>"He's been like that since dad died. We've all given up, I think he just needs to work through it on his own." She said sounding a little defeated. I nodded a couple of times, wondering if maybe an outsider like me could help.</p>
<p>Sue showed up shortly after Seth had come back down stairs. She looked tired, but very happy to see me. She set her briefcase down, and made her way over to me directly.</p>
<p>"Welcome home Isabella." Sue said pulling me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes and took in her scent, I'd forgotten just how much I loved her.</p>
<p>"She prefers Bella now." Charlie interjected before I could say anything.</p>
<p>"Well Bella, how does it feel to be back?" She asked pulling away.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure yet, but I think I'm glad to be here." I said trying to smile.</p>
<p>"That's fair. So how do you like the car?" She asked looking hopeful.</p>
<p>"I love it. I think it's perfect." I gave her a real smile.</p>
<p>There was a small pause as the room settled, but wasn't sure what to do next. Sue turned towards the kitchen and made a face, and Charlie caught it out of the corner of his eye. A second later he clapped his hands together to get everyone's attention.</p>
<p>"So Pizza?" Charlie suggested, and the room groaned in unison.</p>
<p>That night I was relieved that I didn't have the urge to cry. There were so many things that were crisscrossing through my brain, that I had to lie down to calm my chaotic thoughts. I wondered what was going to happen at school, and whether or not my friends would accept me after leaving them behind. I turned over my conversations with Leah and Dad a few times too.</p>
<p>The room was cold, and I could feel the night pressing in against the darkened glass of the window looking out over the forest. Shivering slightly, I wrapped myself up in my overstuffed duvet, and shuffled over to the computer. It took a few minutes to boot up, and when it did I found that Charlie hadn't even tried to set it up. It took another hour or so patching and updating, but then everything was set up the way I liked it.</p>
<p>It was frustrating to wait, because I hadn't checked e-mail since shortly before the crash. A part of me knew what was waiting and I hadn't been able to face it until that moment. So I took a deep breath as I opened up the client. There were several messages, most from friends saying goodbye, and one from mom written the morning she died. With a slightly trembling hand I clicked it open.</p>
<p>"Iz, just wanted to let you know we're headed out to Doug's housewarming party anyway. I know things are going badly with Joy, but I know you'll it work out. I've been chickening out about telling you some news, so I'm gonna do it here. I know it's sucky to tell you like this, but... sigh. Ok, so Phil just got an offer from Jacksonville, and I think it would be a great change for us. There's this perfect house we were checking out online, with a giant room for you. Anyway I'm sure we'll talk about it tomorrow, because we won't be home for dinner. Also I left some money for you to have delivery or something. If you need me, call Phil. I know, I know. I'll look into getting a cell soon, I promise. I love love you. - Mom."</p>
<p>I read it five times, trying to hold in the tears but breaking down every time I got to that last line. All the heartache that had been healed by coming here, was trampled the first time I read the message. With each time I read it again, that small bit of hope that my life might be happy slowly disappeared under the elephant of grief as it gleefully stomped on my future. I thought about it for a long time, about everything I wanted to say. So I pressed reply and started to write.</p>
<p>"So you died a couple of weeks ago. I don't think I ever told you how I felt, not really. I love you Mom, more than I can really explain. I think you always meant well, but sometimes you didn't act like my mother. I don't hold it against you, because I knew you loved me with everything you had. I just wish I hadn't needed to be the grown up so often. Phil was a good choice for you, and I knew you were hurting because you couldn't be with him. So I was going to leave, move back in with Dad and spend the rest of high school in Forks. I'd already asked Dad a couple of months ago, and Sue even set up a room for me in their new house. I swear I wasn't trying to abandon you. I just wanted you to be happy. Now I miss you, so much. I hope you're in a good place, and that you're with Phil. I'll try to do the best I can for you, and I'll never forget you. But I can't grieve anymore, I can't be trapped by your memory every second of the day. I need to move on, and I need you to be okay with that. I'm sorry that I have to leave you behind. I guess that's it. I love you mom, and I will always keep you in my heart. Love love, Isabella."</p>
<p>I sent the message into the ether, hoping somehow she might get it. I wiped my tears and blew my nose, and sniffed at the message sent dialog box until is faded. Then I shut off the computer, emotionally spent. I was about to get up and head back to bed, I was so tired and nervous about the next day, but the silver box I'd noticed earlier caught my attention. I picked it up and turned it over in my hand, and found that it weighed almost nothing. It was about four inches by four inches, and the wrapping paper was folded into the lid, so all I had to do was untie the purple bow to get to what was inside.</p>
<p>I set it down and stared at it for a long time, trying to decide if I wanted to wait until I was in a better mood so I could enjoy the gift a bit more. After dithering for a long moment I held down one edge and pulled on the ribbon. It unwound easily. Then I gently lifted the lid off the box base. Inside was purple tissue paper wrapped around something solid. I pulled out the bundle, and then held onto an edge of the thin paper so that the object could unroll into my other palm. The polished surface of the of the necklace chain glittered from the lamp light creating the illusion of a silver waterfall. Then an oval locket, also made of silver plopped on top of the coiled nest of the chain that had curled up in my hand.</p>
<p>I glanced at the embossed face of the locket and tensed up, I had a feeling I knew what was inside. I looked up at the smiling picture of my mother only a foot away from my hand, and rubbed my teeth back and forth in apprehension. With one trembling finger I opened it slowly, and found a small version of my favorite family photo inside. It was the three of us, before they divorced. I couldn't have been older than two at the time, and we seemed so happy. Not even a month after that photo was taken, Mom filed for separation.</p>
<p>I snapped it shut and examined the face of it again, running my finger over the relief of a phoenix. When I was little, Mom loved to tell me fantastical stories of elves and heroes, dragons and monsters. Her favorite was the phoenix, a creature birthed in flame that could return to life from its own ashes. It was probably the reason she moved there in the first place. I pulled my hair back and fastened the chain around my neck, and then tucked it under my shirt. Promising her that I would never take it off as I kissed my fingers and touched them to her picture.</p>
<p>I felt so drained, and I wanted the day to end. So I got up I dragged the duvet back onto the bed, and snuggled under its warmth. Before I knew it I had fallen into a deep sleep.</p>
<p>My dreams were weird, filled with running and things chasing me. The oddest part was the presence I felt lingering around the edges, it felt dark and evil. Like a monster waiting for me, taunting me into a blind terror. I tried to run from that presence, but no matter how far I went it was always just over my shoulder, laughing at me.</p>
<p>I woke up in a cold sweat, the digital read out of the alarm clock blinked 12:00 again and again. I'd forgotten to set it. This sent me into a minor panic, afraid that I'd overslept. Until I noticed the sky outside was still dark. I moved over to the window facing the back yard and opened it to the cool autumn air. The rush of chill focused me, and pulled me away from the nightmare.</p>
<p>I felt a swell of excitement for the first time in a long time. I understood the idea of "The Undiscovered Country" in that moment. It was laid out before me, like the beginning of a quest full of wonders and fears. I stared at the lone tree in the back yard, so close to the forest that lay at the edge of the property. Yet it was alone, a silent sentinel stretching over the grass like a protective parent. My mind wandered, to the nightmares, and to the feelings circling around my head like hungry vultures. Would I be able to find a place here? Or would this place eat me alive?</p>
<p>A sharp gust of wind blew into the room, sending another chill down my spine. It felt like an omen, and suddenly I was frightened of the night. I shut my window and crawled back into bed, hoping it was just a lingering bit of nightmare clouding up my rational mind. Tentatively I began to shut my eyes, remembering at the last moment to set my clock against my cell phone. Then I fell back into that darkness, hoping that the next day would be a brighter one.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Good-ish Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>- Isabella Marie Swan, 17 years old</em>
</p>
<p>"<em>Someone told me long ago, there's a calm before the storm…" Creedence Clearwater Revival</em></p>
<p>
  <strong>Sunday, September 2nd</strong>
</p>
<p>I felt raw when I finally woke up the next morning. I must've been drained from the long flight, emotional stress, and crying, because my eyes were puffy, and my entire body ached with a dull pain. In frustration I groaned into my pillow, then spent about ten minutes dozing before finally crawling out of bed. I shuffled like a zombie more than walked to the door of the jack and jill bathroom I shared with Leah. I'd never shared a bathroom before, and I almost didn't knock before yanking it open.</p>
<p>"Gimme a minute, almost done!" Leah shouted over the sound of a shower. I sighed and didn't have any real resources to deal with the wait, so I just collapsed back onto my bed and closed my eyes.</p>
<p>"You didn't have to fall back asleep." Leah startled me awake, and I cracked my eyes to find her standing a few feet away fully dressed and glaring at me. "I was done like twenty minutes ago."</p>
<p>"It's Sunday right, I'm not going to even attempt to leave the house today." My voice sounded worse than I felt, but I liked how it emphasized my mood.</p>
<p>"Fine, I was about invite you to go shopping with me and mom, but if you're going to just laze around all day, whatever." She was sort of frowning, but I could see in her expression that she wasn't really all that serious. I sat up and looked at her fully, forcing my eyes open and wincing at the morning sunshine coming in from the window I'd left uncovered when I went to bed.</p>
<p>"Normally that would sound tempting, but I don't know. Shopping feels like the last thing I want to do. I think I just need a day to adjust to everything, thanks for the offer." Leah just smirked a little, nodded once with a small motion of her head and turned to leave through the bathroom.</p>
<p>"Mom made breakfast, if you hurry there might be some eggs left." She said as she closed the door behind her.</p>
<p>"Coffee!" I groaned out loud.</p>
<p>"Nope, all gone." She said with a laugh through the closed door, and then there was silence.</p>
<p>I pouted for a few seconds before I dragged myself up and into the bathroom, showered quickly, and then threw on the comfiest clothes I owned. All loose fitting, black and hardly fashionable, but more than enough for me to go out on a coffee hunt. When I finally made my way downstairs, I found the house empty and a little creepy. Thankfully there was a small note on the dining room table sitting next to a set of keys.</p>
<p>'<em>Charlie filled up your car. Angela called this morning but none of us wanted to wake you up. We missed you at breakfast, but I hope we'll see you tonight! Dinner will be around six.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Sue'</em>
</p>
<p>I stared at the note for longer than I needed too, more than made sense really, while absently fiddling with the locket hanging around my neck. Despite enjoying dinner, the night before, it felt weird somehow to make it a routine. I just couldn't quite put my finger on why it was bugging me. I crumpled the note up and threw it in the kitchen trash can, then grabbed the keys and headed out to the garage. Getting into the car immediately gave me a lift, and a small shiver of excitement went up my spine as I wrapped my hands around the cool rosewood steering wheel.</p>
<p>Then I spent five minutes trying to get her started, forgetting almost everything Leah had described the day before. After giving up, I pulled the instructions up from the text Leah sent me after we talked, suddenly grateful for the extra thoughtfulness on her part. The instructions worked the first time, making me feel stupid, but not five minutes later I was already in the heart of Forks with no signs of coffee except for a diner and a gas station. That was until I turned onto literally the last street in town and found a strange little Native American themed cafe which kind of made my head hurt a little at the kitshiness of it.</p>
<p>Disengaging the engine sounded a little like a lion yawning before settling down to sleep, and I felt a little rush from the sound of it. Even turning the thing off sounded cool. I shook my head at the stupidity of investing emotions in the sound of a car engine, but I immediately realized that I had to let in every little thing that lifted my mood. It was one of the ways I would heal, or at least fake being normal.</p>
<p>The place looked clean, the interior decor oddly tasteful despite the mildly off-putting corporate interpretation of tribal design and theming. The young woman behind the counter had black hair and a bit of a tan, but she was not even remotely Quileute which wasn't surprising since most of the local tribe lived down near the coast. She didn't smile as I entered, but I didn't care because she was the keeper of the caffeine, she could've been wearing a penguin as a hat and I wouldn't have really absorbed it.</p>
<p>"Triple-Grande-dark-chocolate-mocha with a shot of raspberry." I said practically in one breath.</p>
<p>"This isn't Starbucks." She frowned at me and sighed. "We don't have dark chocolate and I'm out of raspberry syrup."</p>
<p>"I don't care, as long as it has chocolate three shots of espresso and some kind of berry flavor, I'll take anything." I said with more than a little anger and desperation in my voice.</p>
<p>"Holy shit… Izzy!" I spun around and found Olivia Thorne sitting alone tucked into a booth behind a small half wall that hid her from the front door. She was still as pretty as I remembered, with her flawless pale skin, high cheekbones, wide hazel eyes the shape of perfect almonds and thick auburn hair that she managed to tame into a mane of curls and style. She was one of the five, our once close-knit group of friends that I had left behind. Or at least we used to be friends. Five, nearly six years, is a long time for people our age.</p>
<p>"Just a sec…" I put up a finger and turned back to the barista, she frowned but nodded and started making my coffee. I smirked at her, then turned back to Olivia who was grinning from ear to ear. "I'm back."</p>
<p>"I heard from Angela; I can't believe you're really here!" She moved forward and pulled me into a surprisingly tight hug. Surprising that there was no awkwardness, just genuine friendship. I hadn't expected to be able to just pick back up where we were before I left.</p>
<p>"Well, yeah. I guess you didn't hear." I felt myself get quiet; I hadn't realized I would have to give this news to other people. Which was stupid, because of course I'd have to talk about my mother's death.</p>
<p>"Angela said it wasn't her news to tell, and that you would talk about it when you were ready. I'm pretty good at math, so I can put two and two together... something happened to your mom?" She looked almost as upset as I was feeling, and I nodded once. She pulled me into another hug, even tighter than the last one, and I felt myself letting go a little. It felt good to have someone be there for me.</p>
<p>We let go after a moment, then I took a deep breath to prepare. "She died in a car crash a few weeks ago."</p>
<p>"Oh god, I'm so sorry. I… I know you two were really close. Is there anything…?" She was starting to actively cry and started to lose the ability to form words. I found myself wanting to comfort her. It was almost funny in a strange kind of way.</p>
<p>"I'm okay, I think. I'm trying not to, I don't know, dwell on it I guess." I forced a small smile, trying to make myself happier to see my old friend than I was feeling. Which almost hurt worse than the pain of dredging up my mom yet again. I wanted to feel happy about seeing Olivia. I wanted to feel a lot of things.</p>
<p>"Izzy coffee up." The barista barked out then almost dropped my cup onto the counter and looked at me for payment. I started to reach down to my pocket for the cash I had stuffed in earlier, when Olivia almost pushed past me and pulled out a credit card.</p>
<p>"On me, it's the least I can do." She gave me a big smile over her shoulder and handed me my coffee. I didn't do more than nod at her before bringing it to my lips and taking a scalding hot gulp and reveling in the pain as it burned my tongue and warmed up my chest.</p>
<p>I didn't bother stifling the soft moan that escaped me as I closed my eyes and let the small rush of caffeine finally wake me out of the shitty night of sleep I'd had the night before. I then turned and made my way over to Olivia's table and sat down. She followed a moment later and immediately took a sip of what looked like a latte, which was in a turquoise colored mug with the logo of the cafe embossed on the side.</p>
<p>"Angela will be here in a few minutes; we're going to Port Angeles to finally get a few new outfits for the year. I can't believe I've gone an entire week without wearing anything new as a senior. Can you believe we're seniors?" Her tone had shifted quickly back to the person I remembered, bubbly and never serious. I chuckled a little at the coincidence of passing up one shopping trip only to be pulled into another one. Olivia's brow furrowed at my strange response though.</p>
<p>"Oh, something Leah asked me. It's not important." I raised my eyebrows and gave her a forced smile. "Seniors. Well at least it'll be interesting, and final. Hmmm, remember that time… never mind." I started, then thought better of it. I didn't want to bring up the last time we'd hung out as friends.</p>
<p>"Your promise that you would be here for graduation. Yeah, I remember. Guess you kept that promise." She gave me a halfhearted smile then her eyes widened a little and she waved at someone behind me.</p>
<p>I heard the door open and turned to follow Olivia's gaze, and there was Angela. She had grown into someone I barely recognized. She was a lot taller than me, and her features had filled out well. She hadn't worn glasses the last time I saw her, but they somehow framed her face in just the right way. While she wasn't beautiful in the traditional sense of the word, she had a presence which was simultaneously kind and serene, but also wise and careful, and seeing her again filled me with more emotion than I was expecting. Once she saw me her perpetual smile widened, and her chest expanded as she took a deep breath and held it. She took quick, and clearly measured steps over to our table. I stood immediately and it was my turn to bring someone into a hug.</p>
<p>"I missed you." I whispered into her ear, and she just nodded into my shoulder.</p>
<p>"I missed you." She whispered as she pulled back and kept me at arm's length. "You let your hair go long, I thought you liked the shorter look." I shrugged; my hair length was more a statement of my distaste for haircuts than any real fashion choice. She wasn't wrong though, I usually had my hair cut around shoulder length, it was getting close to the small of my back.</p>
<p>"Maybe I'll get it cut today, I've been kind of busy the last couple of weeks. Plus, Joy liked long hair." I said with a shrug.</p>
<p>"It's a plan, there is this nice salon just down the street from Kellys. I've been meaning to refresh my curls, and Angela has been toying with the idea of going blonde." Olivia said with an infectious smile. Angela's expression immediately shifted to one of fear, as she started to shake her head.</p>
<p>"No, I mean… no. I don't want to dye my hair. <em>You</em> have been talking about it for a few months. The last thing I want to do is look like Lauren Mallory." Angela said a little defensively, with a bit more pettiness to her tone than I expected to hear from her.</p>
<p>"Angel, you would look nothing like her." Olivia said looking confidently into Angela's eyes. Then she sighed and shook her head. "We won't dye your hair. That would take too long anyway. Wait, who's Joy?"</p>
<p>"My ex she turned out to be the bitch everyone told me she was. It's the reason I'm here today, I was breaking up with her instead of going to Doug's stupid housewarming party." I said far more casually than I expected. The acknowledgement of my guilt rolling off my tongue like it was the easiest thing in the world to admit. Two weeks of self imposed pain, exposed without a real thought to why I needed to say it out loud.</p>
<p>"Oh, Jocelyn. I didn't connect the nickname. Angela mentioned you were dating her, didn't know it ended." Olivia said with a small nod, as if connecting dots that weren't terribly hard to connect. Angela gave me a small sympathetic smile, and I could tell the admission wasn't lost on her at least.</p>
<p>"I still can't believe that Lauren is that bad." I said after taking another long sip of my coffee.</p>
<p>"She's worse than Angela will admit. It's like she grew up and into a shitty personality. Jess, like the mindless idiot that she is, followed her like a sheep. They hooked up with a couple of transfer students, Summer Holloway and Vivian Singh, and are probably the most popular clique in school. Personally, I think our group is the coolest. Plus, we have more people." Olivia exclaimed with a clear sense of pride.</p>
<p>"Ben, Tyler, Leah and those three sisters that transferred to Forks last year, right?" I filled in, trying to remember the news Angela detailed in our monthly conversations.</p>
<p>"Yeah, the Cains are the prettiest girls in school. But outside of our group they aren't very social." Olivia added with a thoughtful nod.</p>
<p>"Rosalie, Alice and Lily." Angela filled in my lapse of memory, and I flashed her a quick grin.</p>
<p>"That's nine if you count me." I said trying to be supportive. I knew a little of the drama that happened a few years back when Lauren broke off from the group. Jessica followed a week later, leaving Angela and Olivia short three close friends, if I included myself.</p>
<p>"Of course, we count you, honestly I never stopped counting you." Olivia said with a big toothy smile.</p>
<p>"Thanks, I never stopped thinking of the two of you as friends either." They both glanced at each other and then Olivia pulled us into a group hug. While I appreciated the sentiment, I was starting to feel hugged out.</p>
<p>"Okay, enough sap. We need to get going if we're going to have enough time to shop before dark." Olivia said as we pulled apart.</p>
<p>"I can drive!" I said holding up my keys and then chugging my coffee.</p>
<p>We all went out to my car and they both seemed to appreciate the ride, although I wasn't sure if it was genuine or forced. I knew for a fact Olivia couldn't tell one car from another, but from our conversations I knew Angela spent enough time with Leah to know about the car's history. The ride was soothing, even along the tree lined roads I found joy in the simple act of driving. A little over an hour later we were pulling into Kellys, a small boutique clothing store with mannequins in the stop window wearing clothes that were nowhere near my usual style.</p>
<p>"You guys shop, I have enough clothes for now." I said feeling a need to be alone. Olivia pouted, but then shrugged and pulled Angela almost reluctantly into the store. I turned and looked around for a place to browse and found an actual record store about three doors down. I made my way over and found besides the skinny bearded guy behind the counter, there was only one other customer. Of course, it had to be the prettiest woman I've ever seen in real life.</p>
<p>We glanced at each other at first, and then both of our gazes returned and locked on one another. I wasn't aware of her face, but her eyes seemingly bewitched me. We stared for several seconds before she broke eye contact and quickly rushed out of the store, her long black hair almost caught in the door as she let it slam behind her. The clerk started to say something but shrugged and turned to me.</p>
<p>"Can I help you find something?" He sounded helpful despite his grungy appearance.</p>
<p>"Just looking." I replied dismissively, looking at a stack of alternative records, marveling at a trippy looking album cover from a band named Tool.</p>
<p>"Alrighty, if you need help or advice let me know." He said with a small shrug.</p>
<p>"Thanks." I muttered in response and he went back to whatever he was doing. I poked around aimlessly for a few minutes before finally realizing I had no real need or desire for more music, so I left without purchasing anything.</p>
<p>Once outside I frowned, "Now what?" I asked out loud and closed my eyes to try and push down an image of my mother that drifted through my thoughts. She always loved trips like this, wandering and browsing, she could spend hours drifting from store to store. I'd always hated it, yet here I was doing the same thing.</p>
<p>"Bella!" Olivia said loudly from half a block away. I put on a slightly forced smile and looked over and was greeted by an unexpected crowd walking towards me. Olivia and Angela, I knew, the three other women I had never set eyes upon before. All of them so beautiful that I was starting to wonder if a mystical curse had been cast while I was away, bestowing beauty on the townsfolk. As they closed the distance Olivia turned sideways between me and the newcomers.</p>
<p>"Bella, this is Lily and Rose and their mother Doctor Megan Cain." She said with enthusiasm.</p>
<p>"Nice to me you… all." I grimaced a little at being awkward, but Megan shook her head with a welcoming smile.</p>
<p>"We didn't mean to intrude on your day, but Lily bumped into Olivia and Angela as they entered the clothing store, and we decided to all head for lunch." Megan said with a mildly exhausted tone of voice. I gave her a knowing smile and shrugged.</p>
<p>"The more the merrier?" I suggested hesitantly.</p>
<p>"There would've been one more, but Alice is being anti-social as usual." Olivia said as a tease, but there was a strong note of frustration in her voice.</p>
<p>"Alice keeps her own company most days." Rosalie said in agreement, "It is nice to finally meet you Bella." She said holding out a hand in greeting. I shook it, and tried not to react to her icy skin, even though it sent a jolt up my arm.</p>
<p>"I've always had cold hands, sorry about that." She easily dismissed my reaction before I could even say anything, which struck me as a little odd. But I shook it off, I would have plenty of time to get to know Rosalie and Lilly since they were a part of my new social group.</p>
<p>"Shall we?" Megan motioned towards the restaurant, which was a much snazzier place than we had originally planned on going. I looked over at Angela who followed behind the group a little, so I lagged back with her and bumped my shoulder against hers.</p>
<p>"I've heard good things about this place. Mom has mentioned it a few times." She said softly, clearly trying to be enthusiastic, but as I glanced over at her, I could see she was a bit upset and I couldn't quite understand why. Then it dawned on me, her parents were going through a financial hardship because her mother lost her job after having the twins.</p>
<p>"I still owe you that lunch, this one is on me." I said wrapping my hand around her waist. She looked over and mouthed, "thank you." But didn't say anything out loud.</p>
<p>"Don't be silly, lunch is on me." Megan said over her shoulder without looking back, and the question of money was over before it really began.</p>
<p>"Thank you, Doctor Cain." Olivia started, and Angela and I followed suit.</p>
<p>Without another word we got a table and soon our orders were taken. During the wait we sat in slightly awkward silence until Megan looked over at me. I instantly felt uncomfortable, because I knew I was going to be forced to answer questions I wasn't really prepared to answer, again.</p>
<p>"Bella, I understand you lived in Arizona before coming here." It was the kind of small chitchat that I could handle, if it didn't delve to far into my reasons for coming back to Forks.</p>
<p>"Yes, Phoenix." I answered simply, not wanting to elaborate.</p>
<p>"I haven't been that far south in many years. Are the skies still so blue they hurt your eyes?" It wasn't the question I was expecting, and it immediately made me miss home. No, not home. Mom. A tear escaped my left eye, and I stood and excused myself.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I just need…" I didn't finish before rushing to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and looked in the mirror, the circles under my eyes were worse than I thought, and I could see the grief in my eyes just as clearly as I could yesterday when Charlie picked me up.</p>
<p>"Get a grip on yourself Bella, it's just lunch." I said admonishing my own emotional fragility. I knew it was way to soon to be normal, but I was still frustrated that I couldn't fully control my own emotional reaction to a simple fucking question.</p>
<p>"Bella?" Angela said from the door.</p>
<p>"I'm fine, I'll be out in a sec." I said taking a few breaths to calm down. Then turned and found Angela still waiting for me. "Don't worry, I'm fine." I said trying to ease her obvious concern.</p>
<p>"They are freaking out a bit, and Megan is really worried." Angela said quietly.</p>
<p>"Yeah." I sighed and forced a smile again as we got back to the table. "Sorry about that, I guess I didn't realize how much I missed Arizona."</p>
<p>"Of course, I won't bring it up again." Megan said looking concerned.</p>
<p>"What did I miss?" I asked the table.</p>
<p>"Lily was just remarking that the chef here trained under Gordon Ramsey." Olivia said sounding almost conspiratorial.</p>
<p>"Not exactly. I said that he worked at one of Ramsey's restaurants in Seattle." Lily corrected, looking mildly irritated.</p>
<p>"That's even better." Olivia said clearly oblivious to Lily's frustration.</p>
<p>"I've never been good at small talk." I said with a small smile, "Olivia can talk circles around me. Or at least she used to, is she still our resident conversationalist?" I asked the table in general. Their reactions almost made me laugh. Angela nodded as diplomatically as possible, and Lily stopped herself from sighing out loud. Rosalie flared her nostrils and then smiled widely at Olivia who was only looking at me as she responded.</p>
<p>"Well, that wouldn't be problem Izzy if you bothered to say more than three words at a time." Olivia teased, and I just let myself laugh in response.</p>
<p>"I spent a very long semester in public speaking, so I can string together a sentence now." I offered, which seemed to make Olivia extremely happy.</p>
<p>"I can't wait for classes tomorrow; your timing is kind of… sorry." Olivia stopped herself as she realized what she was saying. I shook my head as though she hadn't almost put her foot in her mouth.</p>
<p>"I am glad we're seniors, school seems to have lasted forever." Rosalie added.</p>
<p>"Speaking of school going on forever, does anyone have their applications started for next year?" Angela said somewhat enthusiastically, although I could see the same worry as before crossing her expression.</p>
<p>"I don't even know if I'm going to college." I said with a small shrug.</p>
<p>"It would be a good idea to think of your future Bella, you never know what life will bring you. Especially if you seize whatever opportunities you can." Megan said trying to encourage me. It sounded a lot like what my mom had said when I brought up the subject to her a few weeks back.</p>
<p>"Syracuse." Olivia said decidedly.</p>
<p>"Liv, you got to apply to more than one school." Angela scolded her.</p>
<p>"I don't have to do anything. I'm going to get in." She said petulantly.</p>
<p>"Okay." Angela put up her hands, it was clearly an old argument I wasn't aware of.</p>
<p>"Bella, I understand Sue is opening up her own practice in town?" Megan asked out of nowhere changing the subject yet again. I opened my mouth to answer, when our food arrived. We all ate in relative silence, the conversation dying quickly. I didn't understand why it was so uncomfortable, but there was something about the Cain family that was hard to describe, something that almost made my skin crawl. Yet they seemed normal and friendly.</p>
<p>We split up after lunch and we watched as the Cain's walked away.</p>
<p>"It's going to be an interesting year." I offered.</p>
<p>"Damn right!" Olivia practically shouted, missing my sarcasm entirely.</p>
<p>"We should probably get going, I have a long list of things I need to do before I start school on Monday." I said.</p>
<p>"But we haven't shopped at all or gone to get our hair done." Olivia pouted.</p>
<p>"Next week?" I said with a tired smiled, and they both nodded. The walk to the car was a relatively short one, and before I knew it, we were halfway home.</p>
<p>"I wish they had a brother." Olivia said out of nowhere breaking the silence we had fallen into.</p>
<p>"I thought you were dating Tyler." I said glancing over my shoulder, Olivia was in the back seat looking out the window.</p>
<p>"Dating would require we go on dates. Tyler just wants to have sex." Olivia said so bluntly that I almost lost control of the car.</p>
<p>"Um, that's not good." I felt myself cringe and looked over at Angela who was shaking her head.</p>
<p>"It's okay. I just don't know if he actually likes me anymore. We've been dating for five months, and this summer has been a lot of fun. I just, I don't know." It was the deepest conversation I had ever had with Olivia, and it was a relief to know she was still more than just clothes and gossip.</p>
<p>"If you aren't happy you should break up with him. That's kind of what happened with Joy. We just drifted apart. We're teenagers, that's kind of the way it works. Forever love at our age is just… weird." I said with a smirk.</p>
<p>"Weird, but wouldn't it be wonderful." Angela said looking forlorn. I held my tongue; we had spoken many times about her shyness and inability to speak to boys.</p>
<p>"True love." Olivia said. "I don't know if it's real or just some lie."</p>
<p>"A fanciful construction made up by greeting card companies to sell at Valentines." I spouted off, making them both frown a little.</p>
<p>"That's a little jaded." Angela said looking disappointed.</p>
<p>"If true love exists, I don't think we've ever seen it. Love is messy and hard, full of compromises and lies. I had to listen to my mother's stories about falling in love eleven times, she didn't get it right until Phil. They just fit, but I still don't know if that was close to what true love would look like." I let out a bit more than I should've, my anger at the utter unfairness of my mother's death surfacing again.</p>
<p>"I know you're hurting right now, but that's no reason to be so cynical." Angela said looking a little hurt.</p>
<p>"Sorry, you're right. I'm being a bitch." I tried to smile it away, but she rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>"It's okay. You just need time." She gave me a weak smile and turned back to look out the window. I had clearly killed the conversation, so I turned on the radio after another long stretch of silence and the next forty-five minutes passed slowly.</p>
<p>I dropped them both off at the cafe, and we still hugged goodbye. It made me happy that one sour conversation didn't stop us from being friends. When I got home and opened the front door, I could immediately feel the tension in the house. Dad and Sue were sitting at the kitchen table across from Seth who had a black eye. A family friend of ours, Jacob Black, was sitting next to him his right check starting to turn purple.</p>
<p>"I'm waiting for an answer." Charlie said, impatiently. Then looked back at me and shook his head almost imperceptibly. I nodded slightly and made a b-line for my room. Twenty minutes later, after a long chat session with Callie someone knocked on my door.</p>
<p>"Bienvenu, welcome, c'mon in." I said with a small chuckle.</p>
<p>"Um, Bella… have you lost your mind a little?" Leah said from my doorway.</p>
<p>"It's from a movie my mom loved." I said as I spun my desk chair to face her.</p>
<p>"Oh, sorry. Dinner's ready. You going to join us?" She looked hopeful, and I felt my resistance slipping. Repressing a sigh, I nodded.</p>
<p>"I'll be right down." Leah nodded back at me once and then turned on her heel and took off downstairs. I closed my chat with Callie and reluctantly followed Leah downstairs a few seconds later.</p>
<p>The table was set for six and I was mildly surprised to see Jacob had stayed for dinner. He gave me a goofy smile, and I remembered he always had a big crush on me. I hadn't seen him in six years and yet he was still giving me that look. I gave him a halfhearted smile back. Seth didn't look nearly as happy, he was staring at his food and didn't bother looking up as I sat down.</p>
<p>"Welcome back Bella, dad sends his regards." Jacob said before anyone else could say anything.</p>
<p>"Thanks." I forced another weak smile and nodded. "How is Billy doing these days?"</p>
<p>"Same as always." Jacob said shrugging slightly.</p>
<p>"Charlie, I can't just sit here." Seth said angrily.</p>
<p>"Eat." Sue said sharply. Seth looked up at her with a hard angry glare and picked up a forkful of food and ate it mechanically, before spitting it back on his plate.</p>
<p>"Not hungry. Later Jacob." He said before standing and running upstairs to his room.</p>
<p>"Seth!" Sue yelled after him. "Excuse me." She stood up and took off after him.</p>
<p>"I should probably go. Thanks for inviting me to say for dinner Mr. Swan." Jacob said as he stood up himself.</p>
<p>"Thanks Jacob, I'll give you a ride home, and explain everything to Billy." Dad gave him a surprisingly warm smile and Jacob nodded appreciatively before they both left. Leah sat looking at her plate for almost a full minute before turning to me.</p>
<p>"Seth has been having trouble with a couple of guys at school who have been harassing him since he transferred up from La Push. Jacob had come up to hang out with Seth, and they ran into them in town. I think the guys made some snide racist comments to goad Seth and Jacob into a fight. Whatever it was, Seth lost it and attacked. Jacob tried to get between them, and a few punches were thrown before the local police broke it up. Charlie was brought in, and here we are." Leah looked frustrated as she related the story and picked at her food before pushing the plate aside.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I didn't mean to drag you into this." She said after short pause, looking up to gauge my reaction. I shrugged.</p>
<p>"I've had some knock down drag out fights with both of my parents. I mean my choice to move in with Mom was… difficult." I said sympathetically.</p>
<p>"I'm going to go to my room. Night." Leah got up and left me alone with a table full of half eaten food. I looked at the sorry sight and couldn't help but laugh a little. I helped myself to a plate and ate it alone. Then I cleared the table and washed the dishes, halfway through Sue came into the kitchen.</p>
<p>"Thank you so much, I was dreading cleaning up." Sue said coming up next to me to start drying off the dishes that I had finished and rinsed and set on a dish rack next to the sink.</p>
<p>"We missed you today. I expected to come back and find you asleep in your room. Where did you go?" Sue asked in a protective motherly way.</p>
<p>"I ran into Olivia and Angela when I went out for coffee and we ended up going to Port Angeles to shop. It was not planned at all, otherwise I would've just called to invite them to go with you and Leah. Actually, we are probably going next weekend since we ended up not doing any shopping after all." I hoped the explanation would be enough, and thankfully she seemed to accept it.</p>
<p>"I have work next weekend, but please invite Leah. She's keeping up a strong appearance, but I know she's struggling." Sue shook her head and I could tell she wanted to say something.</p>
<p>"You can talk to me if you something bothering you." I offered. She flashed me with a grateful smile.</p>
<p>"As much as I would love to unload, it would be unfair to burden you with my troubles." She reached up and squeezed my shoulder. "Thank you though, I really appreciate it."</p>
<p>"Sure, I mean I'm here. I'm going anywhere." I said finishing up the last of the dishes. "Get some rest okay, you have a thousand things you need to think about, including my little sister or brother."</p>
<p>"Sister, we found out a few days ago." Sue said touching her belly without conscious thought. "We're going to name her Mara, after your Aunt that disappeared." My eyes widened slightly at that; I hadn't thought about the family horror story in years.</p>
<p>"I… Congratulations." I was about to say I had no idea how to react to that naming choice but thought better of it.</p>
<p>"Thank you. Night Bella." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and headed over to the master suite off the short hallway from the living room.</p>
<p>Without much left to do I went back to my room and started searching for colleges, oddly inspired by the conversation earlier in the day. Twenty minutes later, I heard noise from across the hall, and after a short shouting match between Seth and my father a door was slammed. I heard someone head downstairs and I sat at my computer for all of a minute before venturing out to investigate.</p>
<p>I found dad on the patio outside, smoking. He was on his cell and looked upset. I caught his last several words as he hung up, "Yes Agent Merchant, I'll get that to you tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Fuck me." He said quietly to himself as I opened the screen door to join him. He looked down at the cigarette and dropped it in a nearby bucket full of sand.</p>
<p>"Started a few months ago when the thing in Seattle started." He shook his head, I glanced at his phone. "Just precautions. They think this guy is headed west for some reason. Forks is just on the line of possible targets."</p>
<p>"A decade dad, you quit for a decade." I chided, a little disappointed in him.</p>
<p>"I guess there's more to it." He half chuckled and closed his eyes warily. "The house, the baby, Seth, Leah… Renee. I feel like I'm drowning Bella. I'm so glad you're here." He held out an arm, and I let him pull me into a hug, this one felt right after all the hugs I'd had all day. We stayed like that for a long time.</p>
<p>"I'm going to bed." He gave me a tired smile and kissed me on the forehead.</p>
<p>"We'll get through this dad, it's just a rough patch." I said as confidently as I could, even though it was basically a platitude.</p>
<p>"I hope so." He turned and headed into the house. I sat on one of the patio chairs and wrapped my jacket around me. The crisp September air felt thick with the lingering moisture in the air, and I could tell from the overcast sky that we'd have another rainfall before the night was over.</p>
<p>As I sat there, I ran though what my new life was going to be like, and it felt overwhelming. I had Joy and a couple of friends in Phoenix, but mom and Phil were out a lot, so I had a lot of time alone. Now I had two new siblings, two ever present parents a new baby on the way and a very large circle of friends that would demand my attention. I was so lost in thought that I didn't immediately recognize the patio door opening, so I didn't turn until whoever was trying to sneak out was a foot out the door.</p>
<p>"Jesus Bella." Seth said clearly startled. Then winced and looked back into the dark house.</p>
<p>"Stealthy." I smirked at him.</p>
<p>"What? Like you care what I do." He sneered at me, with a touch of viciousness. I stood up and got in his face.</p>
<p>"Shut up and get over yourself. I don't care what little persecution complex you have going on that's causing this stupid teenage rebellion, but your family needs you. Your mom especially. I know it hurts seeing them together, and it makes you angry that your dad is gone." I said staring him down, daring him to pick a fight with me. He looked livid, as if he were about to explode at me.</p>
<p>"Well guess what, I'm angry that my mom is gone too. But I'm not going to take it out on our parents, they are trying their hardest to support us, and from what I've seen you're treating them like shit." I punctuated what I was saying by poking him in the chest with one finger. He stood his ground and shook his head at me, narrowing his eyes.</p>
<p>"Who the fuck do you think you are? We're not family." Seth practically spit in my face, closing the distance between us to try and intimidate me. It didn't work. I'd spent the last decade of my life in some form of martial arts and I knew I could take down the little punk in a heartbeat. So, I didn't back down, I didn't flinch. I pushed in even closer and lowered my voice making it sound as menacing as I could.</p>
<p>"I am your <em>sister</em>, but I'm not your friend. I'm not going to coddle you, and hope that bending over backwards causes you to give me some minor reciprocation. I won't let you hurt this family. If you try this shit with any of them, I'll make sure you walk funny for a week." I kept my voice even, and my monotone did seem to get to him a little.</p>
<p>He stared at me for a long moment, sizing me up before finally smirking. "Try it, I bet you've never thrown a punch in your life." The smirk turned into a mocking smile, and he tensed trying to get ready for anything.</p>
<p>I thought about it, I wasn't exactly sure what the right move was. I could back off, but that felt counterproductive. I could hurt him and teach him a lesson, but that might just be excessive. So, my only recourse was to put him into a position of submission and reiterate my threat, it seemed like the best option.</p>
<p>I took a step back, placing myself directly between him and the backyard where he was trying to escape, and made a motion for him to attack. He seemed surprised, and a bit shocked at the taunt. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind for a moment, before he rolled his eyes. He clearly decided the conversation was over, so he strode forward. He made to push me out of the way dismissively. I sidestepped him and grabbed his right arm and twisted it to gain leverage. He let out a cry of surprise when I continued moving him around me, locking his arm up behind his back and applying just the right pressure to cause a sharp stab of pain that knocked him to his knees.</p>
<p>"I'll say it again. I don't want to hurt you, but I will if you keep this up. I have literally no patience left, and you are pushing in a way that makes it personal. My father may have fucked up trying to connect with you, maybe he made it about the wrong things. Maybe you're just giving him a hard time. I'll talk to him again and get him to apologize. He knows what he's done wrong, and he will make good on it, but not right now. Dad can't be worried about you throwing a teenage drama queen tantrum because he made a few mistakes. You can't be awful to Leah, because she is dealing with genuine relationship issues. Let's not forget the pressure you are putting on your mother, who is trying to open her own business while having a fucking baby." I allowed my own anger from the day burn through my words.</p>
<p>"Jesus Christ Seth. Give them a chance, let Sue in, let Charlie in, let Leah in, because as much as you don't want to admit it, you need them as much as they need you. So, man the fuck up!" I let go of him with a slight push forward, and he fell onto his left hand. He sat back on his knees and rubbed at his right arm, staring at the composite boards used for the deck surface.</p>
<p>I expected him to spin around in anger or to get in my face. What I didn't expect was Seth to remain there crouched for several long seconds. I was about to check on him, worried that in my zeal I may have hurt him. Instead, he started to speak.</p>
<p>"I miss him. I don't want to be like this, but I miss him so much. I hate him too; I can't stop feeling like he left us. Like he ran away from us. I know that's not true, that his heart just gave out, but I can't get over it. I can't stop feeling angry all the time. I don't want to be a problem for them, but your dad doesn't make it easy on me. He treats me like a delinquent, even when I've done nothing wrong. So that just makes me angrier… I don't know how to change." He was speaking so quietly that I had trouble making out his words, then he turned up to face me, tears welling up in his eyes. "I don't want to be the reason they're miserable. I want to stop hating them, but I feel like I have no one. Dad always understood, but he's gone now… and it… it's like I have no one who <em>gets </em>it. Will you help me?"</p>
<p>I looked down at him, so vulnerable, so open. This was more like the Seth I remembered. I wished that it was someone else in the family he was turning to, but I couldn't change the fact that he was turning to me. So, I nodded once.</p>
<p>"Of course. You get angry, you can talk to me. Or hell, you can try to punch me, I could teach you how to do it properly even." Motioning towards his eye. "Just don't take it out on them. I promise I'll talk to Dad, get him to back off. I know that it's probably been unfair to you, he is a cop first sometimes." I gave him a faint smile and offered a hand to help him up. It was more than just a gesture; it was a symbol for change. I was literally offering a hand, and thankfully he took it.</p>
<p>He stared at me, his hand in mine, for several seconds before he pulled away and turned back towards the house. I half expected the entire family to be there watching, but no one was. He turned once, and managed a small smile, before he ran upstairs. It was a good sign that he didn't slam his door behind him. I sat down on the deck again and stared into the forest beyond the back fence for a long time. I imagined the Seattle killer lurking in the shadows under the trees. Watching me.</p>
<p>Several times I thought I could even make out his eyes, moving from tree to tree in a dance so macabre that it made me shiver. Or maybe it was the chill that had penetrated through my coat that was making me shiver. I hugged my knees to my chest, and sniffed a few times, holding back emotions which were chaotic and begging to be released, but I refused to cry anymore. I'd cried enough for a lifetime in the last few weeks, and I was done.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Eyes of Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>- Isabella Marie Swan, 17 years old</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"It can't rain all the time." - Jane Siberry</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Monday, September 3rd</strong>
</p>
<p>I hit snooze three times. Enough that Sue had to call up, startling me awake. I tried the bathroom door and walked in on Leah in the shower. She screeched, and I backed out feeling horrible.</p>
<p>"Sorry, totally forgot we shared." I said feeling like an idiot again. The water turned off a few minutes later, by then I was hopping from foot to foot to keep my bladder from bursting.</p>
<p>She popped her damp head into my room and when she saw my apologetic expression she grinned. "Hey, it's better than Seth doing it. I'm done."</p>
<p>She was still wrapped in a towel as I followed her into the very warm, steam filled bathroom. As she disappeared through her door, I was relieved to know that she didn't think I was trying to sneak a peek, or god forbid, hit on her. Leah was attractive but that would just be awkward. I locked the door after her, then showered, dressed, and headed downstairs, still groggy. The coffee almost gone, and Leah was pouring herself a cup. I frowned, looking around at the spread of stuff on the island. Bagels, lox, cream cheese and jam, scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, and fruit salad. I watched as Leah drained the last of the sweet precious nectar into a travel mug, then I stared at the empty pot totally frustrated.</p>
<p>"Sorry." Leah said without seeming too sorry, perhaps a minor bit of revenge for me walking in on her shower. I smirked at her.</p>
<p>"I bet." I said sardonically.</p>
<p>"Girls, no fighting." Sue scolded absently as she looked over a legal brief. She already looked tired, and I was a bit worried about her and the baby.</p>
<p>"Not at all, do you need a ride in?" I asked Leah, she shook her head and headed out the door munching on an improvised bagel sandwich.</p>
<p>"So where are the boys?" I asked feeling a need to talk.</p>
<p>"Your dad's at work. Seth headed to school already. It's the strangest thing, he helped me with breakfast this morning, and I swear he even cracked a smile. I don't have a clue where it came from, but I'll take it." She smiled tiredly, but still didn't look up.</p>
<p>"I forgot to mention it yesterday, but thanks for the locket." I clutched it beneath my shirt, in an unspoken acknowledgement of how much I loved it.</p>
<p>"Actually, your dad picked it out. I swear he just pretends to hate shopping." She looked up long enough to give me a wide smile, before returning to her work.</p>
<p>"Either way, thanks. You know, maybe you're working too hard." That got her attention, she looked up and cocked her head at me.</p>
<p>"Yeah, how did you come to that?" She asked a little incredulously. I couldn't blame her; I'd been in the house for less than forty-eight hours and I was telling her she was working too hard.</p>
<p>"You look tired." I felt a little tactless, but it was one of the dangers of me in the morning without my coffee. Besides, worry was more important than tact in my book.</p>
<p>"I'm worried about the firm opening, and Mara. I'm worried about Charlie and the case he is working on. Oh Bella, I'm glad you're here. You've made your father so happy; I mean he's sick about Renee… sorry." She said unloading a little, unlike the night before. "I thought about what you said last night. Maybe I do need someone to talk to."</p>
<p>"Glad to be of service. Can you show me how to get the coffee right, I've never used a coffee pot like that before? Then I'm all yours." I looked at the Mr. Coffee with a touch of disdain, but anything would be better than going out every morning.</p>
<p>"I thought of that yesterday, your coffee addiction is legendary." Sue said with a small chuckle.</p>
<p>"Legendary huh." I made a faux-frown and glared at her teasingly for a moment.</p>
<p>"Third cabinet on the left, there's a bag for you." I raised an eyebrow and immediately searched where she indicated, and I found a medium sized plastic bag with a few items in it. First was a large black enameled ceramic coffee mug that said, 'Coffee Fiend'. Next was a mid-sized French press, and a small hand cranked coffee grinder, and last was an expensive bag of unground coffee with chocolate and raspberry flavoring. I heard myself giggle in delight, as I unpacked everything and made a cup. It took a tantalizing two minutes for the water to boil, and then I had a cup of coffee that smelled ungodly. Sue glanced up as I took a sip and moaned a little as a small caffeine jolt hit my system.</p>
<p>"There's a travel mug in the upper right cabinet that your father got a while back and never uses." I nodded and took another sip before finding the travel mug and carefully pouring the remaining coffee into it.</p>
<p>"Thank you, Sue, this means a lot." I moved back into the dining room and gave her a hug.</p>
<p>"Consider it a welcome home present." She said after I pulled away.</p>
<p>"I have no idea what my plans are going to be tonight, but I'll call if I can make it for dinner." I said with more brightness than I had felt in a while. I realized I was starting to feel better, and this place was starting to feel more like home. No, that was a stretch, but I was more comfortable than I was just a day ago. I paused and looked at her.</p>
<p>"Go, you'll be late for your first day." She said shooing me away.</p>
<p>"Sue, you were always there. For most of my childhood I wanted you to be my mom. Now you are, and it kills me a little to admit I love you; I always have. I may give my dad a hard time about a lot of things, but the two of you together is not one of them. I can't wait to meet Mara." I tried to convey how much she meant to me, and from her expression I could tell I was successful.</p>
<p>"I'm really glad you're back, I missed you." She said clearly trying to hold back tears.</p>
<p>"I missed you too." I kissed her on the cheek. "We'll talk some more tonight." I promised, and quickly improvised a breakfast sandwich much like Leah's, before rushing out the door.</p>
<p>Madeline, as good a name for a car as any, was surprisingly cooperative and started up on the first try. Then I stalled halfway out of the driveway. I felt like an idiot again, but at least there was no one watching. Unless Sue was at the window having herself a good chuckle. I felt a chill at the thought of doing the same thing in the school parking lot.</p>
<p>The ride was smooth, and I felt kind of cool driving something so iconic. Then I turned on the radio for a distraction and found that station we had been listening to yesterday was cutting in and out. I fiddled with the pre-sets a little before pulling into in one of the few empty spots, and when I got out, I had to stop for a moment. This was supposed to be my high school, I just never made it that far in Forks. The campus had a giant park on the back side, that I used to play in as a kid with the rest of my old group of friends. I glanced over my shoulder, my old elementary school was only two blocks down, and I could just make out the pitched roof.</p>
<p>I took a deep breath before heading for the monolithic three-story main building where the administration offices were. The campus was split up into five buildings. The biggest building at the back of the property was devoted to the pool and the basketball court. Then there were three identical classroom buildings that were each two stories tall, and had six rooms on each floor, with one set of bathrooms on the ground floor. They were loosely devoted to the different departments. Science and Mathematics, Language and History, and the last one for Arts and Music. The big building was a catch all, with three multi-purpose rooms, the wood and machine shops, a full professional kitchen for home economics, an auditorium, the cafeteria, and the computer and science labs, as well as, administration.</p>
<p>I walked across the parking lot, feeling the stares of most of the students gathered around before classes began. I was uneasy having that many eyes on me, I wasn't fond of unwanted attention. The cool morning air ended at the threshold of the office, with a waft of heat. Suddenly I wasn't so sure a long sleeve shirt was a wise idea. I went over to a counter with a huge sliding window. Behind the thick plastic sat a middle-aged woman with graying brown hair, coke bottle glasses, and a frumpy sense of style. She gave me a friendly smile, as I approached and she held out a delicate hand for me to shake. She had two rings on her ring finger and had carefully manicured nails with a fresh coat of indigo polish.</p>
<p>The nameplate on her side of the window said, 'Mrs. Sally Cope'. I took her hand gently, afraid that I might hurt her, which I'll admit was a bit silly, but I couldn't help but feel like she was somehow fragile.</p>
<p>"You must be Miss Swan." I nodded, even though it was said rhetorically.</p>
<p>"That's me." She nodded once and spun around in her chair with surprising speed and efficiency. She scooted over to another desk positioned behind her and picked up a somewhat a thin folder with the school logo printed on it.</p>
<p>"Here you go, this has a campus map. A list of all the classrooms and teachers, the directory, your schedule, locker assignments and their respective combinations, and a slip each of your teachers need to sign. You'll need to bring the sign off sheet back by the end of the day. Good luck!" She gave me a friendly smile as she handed the folder over to me. I nodded once and managed small smile myself.</p>
<p>Then I headed outside, while checking out my schedule, and practically ran into an unspeakably beautiful girl with bright red hair and striking deep blue eyes the color of an inlet sea on a calm sunny day. She was paying attention at least, so we didn't collide, although, I felt like a moron for being oblivious. She looked at me directly and smirked ever so slightly.</p>
<p>"Walking and reading is never a good idea." Even her voice was pretty. I felt suddenly very plain.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I just got my schedule and I didn't want to be late to first period." My apology was a little scattered, but at least I was able to form a complete sentence. She looked like a model, except better, because somehow, she looked like she had jumped right out of an 'after' picture, complete with airbrushing to smooth out imperfections.</p>
<p>"No harm, no foul. You must be Leah's sister." She guessed, although I had no idea who she was.</p>
<p>"Well technically step-sister but yes." I corrected for no reason that I could think of, beyond being called Leah's sister for the first-time sort of threw me for a loop. I mean I knew it was technically true, but to hear it said by an outside party was something else entirely.</p>
<p>"Right. I don't know all the dynamics. Rose tried to fill me in, but there's a lot to catch up on." She gave me a bright smile and I didn't entirely know what to say.</p>
<p>"So, you must be Alice." I guessed.</p>
<p>"No, I'm the other, other sister. I was staying with my father in New York, and things kind of changed last minute so here I am. My name is Tara." She held out a hand, and I shook it without thinking. Her hand was soft and warm, and her skin felt good against mine.</p>
<p>"No, I mean I had no idea there were four of you." I said after a long pause after we let go of the handshake.</p>
<p>"It's all good. The rest of the family didn't know I was coming until I showed up on their doorstep last night." I blinked at her, a little unsure of how to respond.</p>
<p>"Call me Bella." I managed to sound less confused than I felt.</p>
<p>"So, I'll likely see you at lunch." She said in a clear attempt to break the conversation.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm off to homeroom. See you later." I nodded, and she took off down the hall.</p>
<p>I wandered towards my first class. My homeroom was Math, and it was a bit of a trek to make it there before the first bell, thankfully I made it with about a minute to spare. The rest of the class was just getting settled. I handed the teacher my slip and looked around for a seat and found a familiar face near the back holding one for me. Lauren Mallory had changed, and for the most part it had been a good change. Except there was something in her eyes that made me wary. It was almost as if she were getting ready to claim me, and the thought of it made me tired. I could almost feel the drama already starting. Would I have to endure an entire school year being tugged at by two cliques? I tentatively sat next to her and gave her as bright a smile as I could. I didn't want to prejudge anyone, and Olivia and Angela's opinions might've been biased one way or another.</p>
<p>"Isabella Swan, you look pale. I thought in Phoenix you would at least get a tan." She looked at me seriously for a second and then broke it with a playful smile. "Just kidding, how you been?" But I knew she wasn't just kidding; I had seen that fake smile dozens of times whenever she had to lie to her parents.</p>
<p>"Um, fine, I guess. You seem a little different too." I said with thinly veiled anger over her insult.</p>
<p>"Really, I'm the same old me. Oh, we're bothering the teacher, so I'll talk to you later." She spoke quickly and didn't really seem to care if I responded. Then she turned her attention to Mr. Kelly, effectively cutting off any further conversation. I turned back in my seat and tried to figure out what to do. I had no interest in being friends with someone that practically had 'Two-faced' stamped onto her forehead.</p>
<p>"Ignore her, everyone with a sense of self worth does." The voice came from my left, and I was surprised to find another insanely pretty girl there that I had somehow overlooked when I came in. She was very petite and almost painfully thin, with classically elongated narrow features, and raven black hair. She also had nearly luminescent emerald green eyes. Her clothes were also a little unusual. She was clearly a Goth, but extremely well quaffed. Her top was made up of layers of fabric, leather, and lace strategically placed and dyed in different shades of black and grey with the occasional pop of gold, silver, and red. Her skirt was ankle length but made of a thin matte black material that was almost a lace, but more tightly woven giving the effect of it being translucent. Underneath she wore tattered black tights with giant holes, and heavy black combat boats. Her eyes were encircled with deep eye shadow with a touch of green, and her lips were painted with a deep maroon lip gloss. She took my breath away, as I realized she was the one who ran from the record store.</p>
<p>"Pardon?" I gasped out, feeling an odd sensation build in the pit of my stomach. Something about her hit me and had me responding physically in a way I'd never reacted to anyone before that moment, making me feel self-conscious. I was also suddenly very aware of my hair and had to fight the urge to try and fix it for her. She didn't seem to notice my state of befuddlement.</p>
<p>"I just mean that she isn't worth your concern. Even if she was your friend once, she's nothing more than a conceited bitch now. If I were you, I'd stay away from her." She was staring directly at Lauren as she spoke, but her volume was low enough to be considerate to Mr. Kelly's lecture. The strange thing was her tone wasn't commanding or coaxing. It was as if she was just being polite, conveying helpful information. It was the same kind of tone of voice that someone would use to suggest an umbrella on a cloudy day.</p>
<p>"I'm the bitch? You're the bitch you freak!" Lauren whispered emphatically at the odd stranger. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the total lack of ingenuity in her response.</p>
<p>"I'll admit I'm a freak, but at least I'm okay with that. You on the other hand are vain, narcissistic, and selfish. If you ever had an original thought in your head, it died out of sheer loneliness. I doubt you'll ever begin to grow out of it or realize how truly unimportant you are in the grand scheme of things." Then she turned her attention towards me, "Forgive me, Lauren sets me off sometimes. I'm Alice."</p>
<p>"Of course you are. I'm Bella." I replied, and repressed a sigh. Then I looked back and forth between them a couple of times, before shaking my head refusing to get in the middle of the argument. Lauren was fuming, but clearly didn't want to get into a screaming match in the middle of class. Still I couldn't help myself from stealing a few careful glances at the tiny stranger. The rest of the very short period passed by uneventfully, and then to prevent getting stuck in the middle of a shouting match, I stood to bolt out of class before Lauren could ask to show me around or something even less fun.</p>
<p>"What's your next class?" Alice asked rather unexpectedly before Lauren could get my attention.</p>
<p>"History with Miller." I replied without thinking.</p>
<p>"My next class is next door to yours; I'll show you where it is." She offered politely. Lauren seemed to have been too busy trying to come up with a witty come back, which left with Alice an opportunity to jump in and offer to show me around. I started to shake my head, but somehow my body seemed to misinterpret the signals coming from my head and I ended up smiling instead. Lauren huffed from behind me, and from the click of her heels I could tell she had already given up on me.</p>
<p>"Sure." I said tentatively, and we started off across the quad together. At first it felt nice, but after a minute of awkward silence I bit my lower lip trying to come up with something to say.</p>
<p>"Alice. Why did you run away yesterday?" I asked feeling a need to break the silence.</p>
<p>"Was that you? I just didn't feel like being social yesterday." She said darkly.</p>
<p>"I know the feeling." I nodded, acutely aware of the feeling, which I had been actively fighting since I arrived. She chuckled.</p>
<p>"You should probably ignore me when I get like this, Lauren was right I am a bit of a freak." She said with such sincerity that I was taken a bit aback. But there was also a layer of self mocking that made me feel for her.</p>
<p>"I'll make up my own mind about that. Lauren from all accounts is not the person I once knew." I rolled my eyes a little bit. I knew that the friendship I once had with Lauren was probably gone, and nothing short of a personality transplant for her would change that.</p>
<p>"Leah and Angela love you and that's good enough for me." She gave me a very friendly grin and started towards class again in the same beat. I stood for a moment watching her, I shook off my surprise then jogged to catch up. We didn't say anything until she dropped me at my classroom, then she curtseyed once and skipped away. I watched her still totally befuddled, but absolutely intrigued.</p>
<p>The next class was blissfully devoid of people I knew. It gave me a short reprieve, and a moment to calm my thoughts and figure out exactly what I wanted to do. It was clear that Lauren wasn't a friend I wanted. If Tara and Alice were any kind of gauge, I had been right to side with Angela and Olivia. I tried to pay attention to History, but Alice kept jumping in and out of my thoughts. It didn't help that the teacher was a total bore. I had never been so completely dragged down by a lecture in my life like I had been with Mr. Stanley. His continuous monotone didn't waver at all in pitch or inflection. After an hour, I started to fantasize about taking my massive textbook and beating him over the head repeatedly, just to liven up the room.</p>
<p>After counting the final few minutes of class second by second, I again bolted from the room as soon as the bell sounded. I waited in the hall for a few minutes hoping to catch Alice again, but she was already gone. So, I made my way alone to my next class. The period was taken up by literature, which was something I had a great deal of interest in. The room was mostly empty when I arrived except for the teacher Ms. Carr and Lily Cain.</p>
<p>Apart from her sisters it was clear she was just as gorgeous, she just had more unique features. She gave me a friendly smile as we met eyes, and she waved me over. It was the first time I noticed how glassy her nails were, and the perfect manicure made them look almost unnatural. She had a slight pallor to her skin, and her bright pale blue eyes stood out like twin suns pulling me into them like they exerted their own gravity. I moved over and sat down next to her.</p>
<p>"Bella, how has your first day been?" Her voice was as smooth as silk and seemed to bewitch me even more than her appearance.</p>
<p>"Weird." I stuttered out and she chuckled knowingly.</p>
<p>"I can imagine. Sorry about the awkwardness yesterday. Megan can be a little aggressive with our friends." She seemed genuinely apologetic.</p>
<p>"No worries, I met Alice and Tara earlier. They were both very welcoming." I said with a small nod and accompanying smile.</p>
<p>"That's good, Alice is a bit mercurial, I never know what she'll be like from day to day." Lily explained and I could tell there was more she wanted to say but kept it to herself. I wasn't sure what to add, so I half shrugged and turned to the front of class. The class filled out quickly after that, and I tried to pay attention to Ms. Carr. She was an excellent speaker, and actively tried to engage the students. I could tell within the first few minutes that she was going to be one of my favorite teachers. Her attention to detail made the experience fun, and her examples made me laugh.</p>
<p>"Have you studied Brontë before?" Lily asked randomly in the middle of the lecture, Ms. Carr didn't seem to notice though. She was passionately explaining about how Catherine and Heathcliff's relationship dynamic was an excellent example of how love isn't always the perfect conquering thing, that occasionally love consumes and destroys, which runs contrary to a lot of modern romantic literature.</p>
<p>"I've read it, does that count." I responded distractedly; I was interested in the lecture.</p>
<p>"She has a good point, but it isn't the only interpretation of that relationship. Heathcliff isn't intentionally evil; he's just trying to do what he thinks is the right thing." She said in a slightly stilted manner, as if baiting me. It worked.</p>
<p>"Not at all, have you read the book? He's a selfish prick, he lusts after Catherine even though she's married to Edgar, who admittedly she didn't really love, but what he did to Isabella was horrible." I whispered back at her heatedly.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I couldn't resist." Lily smiled widely and shook her head. "I was only trying to see if you understood the book." I narrowed my eyes at her and looked away. Thankfully the rest of Ms. Carr's lecture made the time fly by quickly.</p>
<p>"Walk you to lunch?" Lily offered as class ended. I nodded, not sure what to think about her. We took our time, mostly because I was walking slowly. I was picturing the forty-five minutes of chaos that were about to ensue. I wasn't sure I could sit and pretend to be unbroken for people I barely knew anymore.</p>
<p>"Actually, I need a minute. See you later?" I said before we got in the food line.</p>
<p>"Sure, there is some kind of tentative plan later tonight. I bet Angela will fill you in." I nodded absently, and made my way towards the bathroom without saying anything else. I washed my face, and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked worse than I though, with dark circles under my eyes. I hated to be confronted by my own grief, no matter how strong I felt most of the time it was clear I wasn't over mom. Nothing was working, and I knew I needed some time to myself to get through the rest of the day. So I managed to sneak into the cafeteria without anyone noticing. As quickly as I could, I made my way over to the service line, grabbed a few portable items and dashed out the back exit.</p>
<p>The fresh air felt nice on my skin, even though I hadn't been inside for very long. Across from the door was the athletic field, still set up for soccer. Beyond that was the edge of the forest, which loomed ahead of me like a green, brown, and black tidal wave. I couldn't explain why, but it felt like it could be a sanctuary for once. I made my way across the large expanse of field to the edge of the property. The tree line was deeply shadowed, but a small path was worn into the foliage a few meters to my right.</p>
<p>I was about twenty or so meters into the forest when I noticed what looked like a person sitting up against a tree barely twenty meters further ahead. I frowned, because I wanted time alone. Then I took in how much flesh seemed to be showing. Whoever they were, they were naked. I stopped in place and tried to be as still and quiet as possible, I didn't want to interrupt a couple having fun. Except after another long moment there was no movement from the person. It made me wonder if maybe they were waiting for someone. So I started to turn around, when my change of angle revealed something else that stuck out to me, I recognized who it was... Jessica.</p>
<p>There was no way Jess would wait around naked in the forest for some guy. At least not the Jessica I used to know. It struck me as so strange, that I found myself inching forward, feeling an uncontrollable urge to investigate further. I'd gone about ten feet before I saw the pool of blood she was sitting in. The rest was a blur. I rushed over to her, and checked her pulse, and found she had none. I laid her down, and started CPR, before I realized she had no tongue... or eyes. I screamed and backed up, before I ran back to the Cafeteria without thinking.</p>
<p>Once inside I tried to speak, but I couldn't quite form words. So I just screamed. Heads whipped towards me, and in the next instant my screams were matched by several more. The room erupted in chaos, as people began to run or try and get to me.</p>
<p>"Bella? What happened?" Angela was suddenly at my side, because somehow I'd fallen to the floor. I was holding my knees, my hands covered in blood. Not that I was looking at the blood. I was staring at her face, wondering how I'd never noticed how kind her eyes were before. Hazel, with flecks of green. Long lashes, high cheek bones. Well shaped eyebrows, a nice roman nose with a bit of a slope, full lips that were naturally dark pink. She was pretty, not my type, but pretty. I'd never noticed that before.</p>
<p>"Jessica, in the woods. So much blood." I muttered, trying to explain. How could I explain the blood? Out of the corner of my eye, Leah turned and ran out the door, followed a second later by Tara.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna take you to the nurse now, is that okay?" Angela asked softly, somehow she didn't seem patronizing. I just nodded, and let her lead me away. The nurse's office was clean and small. She shooed Angela away, and sat me down. She didn't say much, mostly if I had any injuries, which I shook my head at. Then she sat and waited with me, but didn't let me clean up. The blood made my fingers sticky, and I couldn't help but stare at them in disbelief.</p>
<p>A little while later the Principal came in and asked me some questions. I was still too much in shock to answer in more than monosyllabic phrases. Then my father showed up. He barreled into the small room, seeming to take up most of it. I tensed up, waiting for him to yell at me. Normally I would've been able to handle it, but I just couldn't. It was too much. I'd just lost one of my oldest friends in a truly horrible way.</p>
<p>He looked at me for several long pregnant seconds, before he opened his mouth to speak. "I'll need to get a statement from you... but later. Are you ready to go home?" His voice was so tender and reassuring that I blinked up at him in confusion. He didn't blame me, he didn't accuse me. I had blood on my hands, I'd moved the body, probably destroying evidence, and all he wanted was to comfort me.</p>
<p>I launched myself at him, and wrapped my arms around his chest, burying my face deeply in the polyester of his cop's uniform. Then I started to cry again, except they weren't tears of grief. They were tears of anger. Someone did this to her, someone butchered my friend... and I had to find out who.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I said it would be dark, and this is just the beginning. I had originally killed Olivia at this point, but it felt wrong to introduce a new character only to kill them off without getting to really know them. I will say no one is safe in this story, there will be no plot armor. There are several new characters, and the dynamics may be confusing, but all will be explained in time.</p>
<p>Please take a moment to leave your thoughts, good or bad... I can take it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Drifting Above a Nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>- Isabella Marie Swan, 17 years old</em>
</p>
<p>"<em>No matter when or where you've seen. All the knives seem to lacerate your brain. I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain. You're not alone"<br/>- David Bowie</em></p>
<p>
  <strong>Monday, September 3rd</strong>
</p>
<p>After leaving the school, the following hour was a bit of a blur, as Dad took me to the station himself and escorted me through forensics to take samples from my hands. And then to a desk where one of his officers very patiently and empathetically took my statement. I wasn't really able to say much, all I could really remember was finding her body. When we finally got in the car, we were halfway home before Dad turned to me.</p>
<p>"What happened?" He had been keeping his distance while we were at the station during my rambling excuse for a statement, probably to keep some semblance of protocol.</p>
<p>"I…" Starting to speak, I found that the tension and grief I was holding in had gotten the better of me, and I was almost unable to form words. I shook my head. "Later." Was all I managed, looking away from him out the window, my reflection just visible like a ghostly and distorted version of me was trapped in another world.</p>
<p>"Bells, I know you are hurting right now but I need you to do me a favor. Take tonight, do what you need to do, be angry, be upset, throw things. Get it all out." He was watching the road, but glancing at me every few seconds.</p>
<p>"Why?" I managed to reply, prompting him to explain, thankful that my voice sounded a bit better.</p>
<p>"Because the FBI is at the high-school now, and tomorrow they will be all over town, and you'll be the first person they'll want to talk to. I had to recuse myself from the case for now, until you are officially discounted as a suspect." He sighed heavily, and I looked over at him feeling a new worry filter through all the other chaos swirling around in my head. I turned away after a few seconds and stared out the window again, I had no idea how to respond to that.</p>
<p>"Did you hear me?" He said loudly enough to actively draw my attention. I sighed, closed my eyes and forced myself to at least pretend to be myself, something I was getting used to doing, if only for a few seconds to get out what I was feeling.</p>
<p>"Yes dad, I'm just… I don't know. I thought I understood death, but nothing makes sense." My words were clear, but I sounded monotone and distinctly unlike me. It disturbed me almost as much as finding Jessica… no nothing could ever disturb me more than finding the body of one of my oldest friends. Discarded like a doll thrown to the ground by a toddler. Charlie nodded once and then focused entirely on the road, letting us finish the drive in silence.</p>
<p>Sue was waiting for us when we got home, and she immediately pulled me into a fierce hug, and then turned to Dad and hugged him just as tightly. Then she led me upstairs to my room where there was already a full steaming hot bath waiting in the adjoining bathroom. I kissed her on the cheek, muttering how much I loved her, and began to claw at my clothes before she even had the door closed. I got down to my underwear before I realized I still had some of Jessica's blood under my nails. I ran to the bathroom sink and began to wash my hands. Even after all the blood was gone, I kept going until the flesh was red from the scalding hot water and vigorous scrubbing.</p>
<p>My heart was pounding and my chest was heaving from the anger balled up inside. When blood drops started to fall into the sink I dropped the soap and stumbled back onto the edge of the tub. Burying my face in my hands, I started to shake uncontrollably, not exactly crying just so full of twisted and dark emotions that I couldn't think straight. When I pulled my hands away, I found they were covered in fresh blood, my blood.</p>
<p>I almost screamed, standing up I stomped over to the sink and picked up the soap again. I stared at it realizing that it was never going to wash away Jessica's blood from my hands. I hadn't even talked to her once and she was already gone. I never had a chance to get her back, my other closest friend in the world. Even though Olivia and Angela were convinced she was a lost cause, I secretly hoped to start over with her again. No matter how awful Lauren had become.</p>
<p>I shook my head, not willing to accept that she was gone. Looking down at the soap again, I had this irrational need to get it as far from me as possible, so I threw it as hard as I could not caring where it landed. From my angle, it looked like something was being thrown at my head in the reflection in the massive mirror over the vanity. On impact the mirror immediately cracked like a tree in winter with branches that almost immediately stretched out to the corners. I took a step back and sat on the tub again feeling drained and miserable. My anger crashing, and leaving nothing but pain. I couldn't cry anymore, I'd spent all my tears on my mother. I couldn't fight, there was no one to go after.</p>
<p>After several minutes, I stood and slowly stripped my remaining clothes and stepped into the hot water, which felt soothing in a way I hadn't expected. A small trail of blood started to flow from my hand where I had scrubbed the skin of my knuckles too harshly. I watched as it swirled around my hand which I rested on my knee just below the surface. I zoned out, feeling heavy, and almost immediately lost track of time.</p>
<p>Sue called up a while later, and I reluctantly got out and dressed in the most comfortable clothes I owned. I opened my room door to find the hallway dark, I started downstairs and the only light in the house was the nightlight in the kitchen. Yet the family all seemed to be sitting around the dining room table.</p>
<p>"Hey… Dad." I said as I stepped into the adjoining living room, the front door to my right was ajar. The light snapped on, and a scream died in my throat as I found everyone slumped in their chairs, blood covering their chests from slit throats. I stumbled back, falling over the couch.</p>
<p>"Isabella." The voice seemed to echo, as I turned and looked towards where it came from. The form was male, tall and faceless. His perfectly tailored all black three-piece suit contrasted with his lack of a face leaving me deeply unsettled. His long boney hands ended in talon-like fingernails, covered an inch deep in blood. He started towards me, reaching out as he approached. I tried to back away, and fell over the far arm of the couch onto the floor. I felt my right ankle twist, as I landed. I immediately pulled myself to my feet and a sharp pain shot up my leg. I limped through the back hall towards the master bedroom, and Dad's gun. Looking back only once to find him in pursuit and gaining on me.</p>
<p>I made it through the door and slammed it behind me twisting the puny door lock. A half-second later he threw himself against the door cracking the frame and almost forcing the door off its hinges. I scrambled towards the closest and pulled down Dad's spare gun case, as the monster burst through the door, the shattered remnants of the wood falling to the carpet with a dull thud.</p>
<p>I fumbled with the case code, trying to remember the four digits Dad had made me memorize after months of training before I left when I was eleven. 4… 3… 7… 3. I got the case open and pulled the gun. The creature dressed as a man just stood still, and cocked his head at me. The lack of a face made him look like a mannequin, creepy and terrifying. I pulled the trigger three times, two in the chest and one in the head, just like I was taught. The hole in his face, where his left eye should have been started to bleed black and he raised a finger and started to shake it at me.</p>
<p>"Isabella, you should know better." He said as he started to move, crossing the room in a blink. I got two more shots off before he grabbed the gun, tossing it away from my reach. Then he lowered himself until his empty face was merely two inches from mine. Somehow I could still feel his cold breath on my skin, then a small slit where his mouth should've been, tore itself open revealing a maw full of razor sharp teeth which he bared at me menacingly letting out a small hiss.</p>
<p>"Delicious." The word didn't come from his mouth, it was in my mind, as he lunged forward. I flinched and got a face full of lukewarm water. I sputtered, opening my eyes to the half lit bathroom. I sighed, and shivered despite still being half submerged in warm water. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my cheek against them.</p>
<p>"Bella?" The voice was different, younger, female and familiar. I thought it was Leah, so I looked up. A shape in the shadow of the corner of the bathroom near Leah's door moved towards me. It took a second to recognize it, and when I did I flinched again spilling water out over the sides of the tub.</p>
<p>"Jessica." Her eyes were closed, and she was still naked. "You can't be real." I was awake, yet this had to be another dream.</p>
<p>"Help me." She started to reach out towards me, her eyes opening on two empty sockets. Then she vanished as if she was never there. No sound accompanied her disappearance, no flash of light, or shockwave or even a smell. It was nothing, I hoped it was just a side effect of a powerful nightmare. That or I had snapped.</p>
<p>I got out and drained the tub, and looked at my hand which had stopped bleeding. I went into the medicine drawer in the vanity, and found a mostly empty box of bandaids and hastily put one over the abraded skin. Then I cautiously went into my room and closed both windows, locking them and shutting the drapes. Then I dressed in a loose bright blue ankle length dress with white flowers, which wasn't really appropriate for the season, but felt like a protest against the darkness surrounding me. I pulled on a cardigan for warmth and opened the door slowly.</p>
<p>The hallway was darkened, but I could hear noises coming from downstairs. Talking, and maybe even a hint of a chuckle. I started down the stairs, and I felt myself trembling. As I entered the living room I found lights on as normal, the front door was closed and locked, and they were all sitting around the kitchen table with a bunch of Chinese take out spread in the center.</p>
<p>"There you are." Sue said with a warm smile, getting up and leading me to the table. I looked around to each face, making sure they were real before I reached out and picked up some Lo Mein to spoon onto a plate that Sue handed to me. Dad passed me a box full of General Tso, and Seth smiled at me just enough to acknowledge something had changed in him. I felt a small surge of relief, they were fine. I glanced towards Leah, and she gave me a small strained smile, her expression as dark as my own.</p>
<p>Despite the relatively good vibe that was dominating the moment, none of us seemed to want to start a conversation. It drove home the fact that tragedy altered everything. We ate in relative silence, my presence quieting any conversation that had been going before I came down. They all looked at me as though I were fragile, which to be fair was somewhat accurate, I felt a bit like glass. Yet I hated feeling so broken and hollow, I wanted my strength back.</p>
<p>Of course I hadn't been myself in weeks, even my anger the other day when I found out about Dad giving Leah a hard time was just a momentary return to my usual self. Or was it? I confronted Seth, I stood up for Sue… was I actually fragile? Or was I simply trying to adjust to something that would shatter most people, coping with the fact that while I was traumatized, I could still feel something deep that I couldn't fully define. I was scared, no denying that, but there was also a searing anger that I could almost feel growing.</p>
<p>Then the doorbell rang and Dad stood before I could respond and made his way over to the door. I held my breath as he opened it, expecting to see my monster on the other side. Instead it was the person I needed, Angela. I got up and crossed the living room at almost a run and pulled her into a hug, nearly knocking Dad out of the way.</p>
<p>"Angela, what are you doing here?" Dad asked with a rather disappointed tone of voice. She pulled away from me, but kept an arm around my waist and turned to Dad.</p>
<p>"Mom and Dad went out to organize a prayer vigil tonight at the school, I didn't want to go, and they were uncomfortable leaving me alone in the house, so I asked them to drop me here." She shrugged, and Charlie nodded thoughtfully.</p>
<p>"Good choice, I'd rather have you here then alone. There's a ton of food left if you're hungry." Charlie stepped out of the way and I basically clung to her as she stepped inside and he closed the door and locked it.</p>
<p>"Oooh, Mom never gets Chinese food. She's kind of a health nut." Angela said excitedly, and I pulled one of the extra chairs near the china cabinet next to mine. I was feeling selfish and needy, and didn't care that I pushed Seth over a couple of feet to fit her chair at the table. She didn't seem to notice and sat down happily and gathered a plate of food from the boxes scattered around.</p>
<p>After twenty minutes it was obvious we were all too numb and terrified to really talk about anything. Leah and Sue tried to start a conversation, and Angela and Seth chipped in. I wasn't really able to think about anything, just keeping the images of Jessica out of my mind was all I could manage. I stayed at the for as long as I could, letting Angela finish but the moment her plate was finished I stood up.</p>
<p>"I'm headed up, Angela did you want to bunk in my room?" I asked, hoping that she did. She nodded once and we went upstairs. No one tried to intervene, although Sue almost got up probably to hug me again. I was thankful she chose not to. Once we made it upstairs, I grabbed my duvet and curled up in my chair again, Angela took the desk. A minute later Leah knocked and I got up to give her the chair and took the bed. We stared at each other for a few minutes before Angela finally turned to me with a serious expression.</p>
<p>"Olivia is convinced it is one of them." Angela glanced at Leah, before continuing. I furrowed my brow, completely unable to fathom the context.</p>
<p>"Them?" I said shaking my head.</p>
<p>"Livy has a theory, and it's bonkers." Leah said, taking a deep breath and frowning. "She thinks the serial killer is in fact a vampire coven who is just playing with the FBI." My mouth fell open, it was the last thing I expected her to say.</p>
<p>"Wouldn't that break the Masquerade?" I managed a small chuckle, I hadn't been much of a role player, but I had been involved in a group that cycled around to vampire once in a while, during my time living in Phoenix.</p>
<p>"We're not talking role playing games, she's convinced this is real. Like real vampires." Angela sounded worried, but I wasn't sure if it was the whole vampire thing or just the fact that a serial killer had just murdered one of our oldest friends. Someone we had all known since we were very little.</p>
<p>"Sure and guys in my tribe turn into wolves. There's no such thing as vampires. Livy just likes to keep a foot in her own world so that she doesn't have to deal with stuff that's too real." Leah started with a bit of sarcasm, but she seemed genuinely upset by the idea that Olivia indulged in such ludicrous delusions.</p>
<p>"I don't know, vampires may have a slightly sexier veneer to cope with these murders, but if they are real it would be a totally different kind of terror. Olivia may use it as a coping mechanism, but I leave it to her, my nightmares are bad enough without including actual monsters." I said trying to end the conversation, I didn't like the idea of pushing off such real horrors to a world of fantasy. No matter how much easier it would be to understand a creature simply succumbing to its nature. Of course I had no intention of saying as much, justifying that kind of fantasy could be dangerous for Livy, and I didn't want to get into a situation where I was encouraging her.</p>
<p>"Well, you have to admit the Cain sisters are very unusual." Angela offered out of nowhere, I wasn't sure if she was implying they were vampires or just strange, but I gave her a look that expressed my confusion. Before she could respond Leah jumped in.</p>
<p>"Alice by herself has an entire drum section that plays her tune." Leah looked somewhat bemused by the comment, although Angela just rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>"You're mixing your metaphors; It is 'March to their own drummer' or 'Dance to their own tune'. Or at the very least 'March to their own tune'." Angela corrected.</p>
<p>"Whatever." It was Leah's turn to roll her eyes.</p>
<p>"Alice seems interesting, they all do. Oh, what's going on with Tara. Is there drama there?" I asked, hoping someone would explain how we jumped from delusions about vampires to the Cain sisters.</p>
<p>"Kinda. Tara is the only one of the sisters that spends time with their father, he's some kind of Architect in New York or something." Leah said with a shrug.</p>
<p>"Lily goes sometimes." Angela added, her voice hard to read. I wasn't sure what her relationship with Lily was, or if Angela was holding onto one of Lily's secrets, but there had to be more to what she said.</p>
<p>"Yeah, although there is something that keeps Rose and Alice away. Not sure why." Leah frowned, and shook her head slightly as if she had nothing more to add.</p>
<p>"I don't think they have the same father." Angela tilted her head slightly, clearly trying to puzzle out the strange family structure of the Cain family, that I was just starting to piece together.</p>
<p>"She must've had them young." I guessed, Megan Cain didn't look older than thirty and that was a stretch, in all honesty without her professional attire, adult hairstyle and tasteful makeup she could pass for twenty.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I believe she had Tara and Rose when she was sixteen or something, and Lily and Alice a year later. I guess her husband was one of those who didn't believe in birth control." Leah sneered a little, although I wasn't sure if it the idea of having kids so young or sex with a guy that caused her reaction.</p>
<p>"I never got that, having kids that young. I mean accidents happen, but how hard is it to use a condom?" I said with a small shake of my head. I didn't know what her situation was, but I had to assume someone that young must've gotten pregnant by mistake.</p>
<p>"I wouldn't know." Angela said blushing, and I glanced at her in confusion. I was sure she had mentioned getting close to Ben at one point.</p>
<p>"Speaking of which, did Ben ever ask you out?" I decided to call her out a bit, asking directly.</p>
<p>"Yes, we went out a few times, but I dumped him when I realized I was into someone else." Angela looked down as if embarrassed about something.</p>
<p>"Okay this you have to tell, who is it?" I asked with genuine curiosity, almost happy to be distracted from the oppressive darkness that seemed to be pressing down on my soul.</p>
<p>"It's difficult, and I'm still trying to figure it out." Angela shook her head, and I knew we wouldn't be getting any more from her tonight. But I could see Leah leaning in, ready to push.</p>
<p>"She won't say, we've been needling her about it for months." Leah frowned and narrowed her eyes at Angela.</p>
<p>"I'm not ready." Angela said with a small shrug, and Leah leaned back again, looking a little defeated.</p>
<p>"That's fine hun, tell us whenever you feel like you can." I said and gave her as warm a smile as I was capable of. "I have an early day tomorrow, the FBI is gonna want to talk to me."</p>
<p>"Gotcha, kicking me out then." Leah said with a small smirk.</p>
<p>"Yup." I said with a forced chuckle.</p>
<p>"Fine, fine. Talk amongst yourselves." Leah nodded, and started towards the bathroom.</p>
<p>"Can I borrow that pajama set again?" Angela asked, although I wondered why she didn't ask me, we were closer in size to each other even though Angela was taller than me, yet Leah was nearly a head taller than both of us.</p>
<p>"I have something you can use." I offered, and Angela just nodded leaving Leah to shrug again. Then she got up and disappeared through the bathroom, a few minutes later there were the sounds of the sink and furious brushing of teeth. Then a muffled, "Night!" could be heard through the door. Angela and I both echoed her sentiment.</p>
<p>"Sorry about all the vampire talk, I didn't mean to bring it up." Angela said looking down, as I rooted through my hastily unpacked drawers for something suitable. I found a comfy set of sweats and an old band t-shirt I stole from Joy.</p>
<p>"There you go, hope they fit." I gave her a small smile, but I didn't want to even contemplate the idea that ghosts and vampires were real, my recent experience in the bathroom still chalked up to a small trauma induced hallucination. She took the clothes from me and motioned for me to turn around. I shrugged and obeyed.</p>
<p>"I guess if they were real our world would be so much weirder and more dangerous than we know." She said, and I could hear her taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "I'm dressed."</p>
<p>"Weirder. My life is weird enough right now." I shook my head turning back around, I couldn't think about my reality crashing in on itself. Absurd fantasy needed to stay that way, or I was pretty sure my mind would snap.</p>
<p>"I wanted to tell you something in private, and we haven't really had a chance since you arrived." She said while settling into the chair, and pulling her legs underneath her before putting her hair up into a ponytail.</p>
<p>"I'm here, you can say anything." I nodded easily, and moved to the corner of the bed close enough so that we could hear each other using quiet voices.</p>
<p>"I know you know I lied about Ben. God, remember how happy I was when Ben asked me out? I think I talked at you for an hour." She frowned, but kept good eye contact.</p>
<p>"Two hours, but yes." I let myself chuckle a little, strange how just being in her presence gave me a strange sort of strength. I could feel my mind reeling at what I had seen, and the shock that had finally faded was kicking me in the ass, making me feel drawn, and tired and I just wanted to curl into a ball and sleep. Yet talking to her, I knew I could interact, be human for at least a little while.</p>
<p>"Well, when we started going out I thought I really liked him. But every time he tried to touch me I found myself reacting badly. I couldn't understand it, because I wanted him to touch me. At first I thought it was guilt, hearing my Dad's voice going on and on about pre-marital sex. But by our fourth date, it was pretty clear I was just using that as an excuse." She glanced towards the window, and paused for a long moment which prompted me to respond.</p>
<p>"Alright, so what was wrong?" I asked, hoping to pull her out of whatever was bothering her about Ben.</p>
<p>"I was at a point where I had to choose, so I gave in and we had sex. The entire time, while it felt good, I felt like I had to run, to get away. It just didn't feel right." She shuddered a little, shaking her head at the memory, a look of minor disgust on her face. It finally clicked, I knew what she was feeling, and how to respond.</p>
<p>"Okay, I think I get what you're saying. I mean Leah would totally understand, why didn't you want to talk with her around." I had no idea why she didn't confide in the only out lesbian in town, but she must've had her reasons.</p>
<p>"It took me months to work through what you just realized in seconds. I was finally able to admit to myself that I'm not into men at all. It just took a while, because I really wanted to go out with Ben. Eventually I realized it wasn't because of how he looked, it was his sense of humor and the way he passionately talks about his hobbies and interests. But I'm not sure I'm ready to come out." She looked a little afraid, meeting my eyes and then quickly looking away to examine the lines on her right palm, as if they were deeply interesting.</p>
<p>"Is there anyone you like?" I asked after it was clear she was done with her confession, yet as I asked the question I felt a weight press into my shoulders. Just talking this much was starting to get to me. I needed to shut down for a while, and I hadn't had the chance to. I loved my family and friends, but they were keeping me from processing anything.</p>
<p>"There is, and we're friends. So if I make a move, suddenly I risk that friendship." That drew my attention again, and I tried to work out who it could be.</p>
<p>"Is it Leah? No, Lily right?" I guessed, and she immediately shook her head. She looked down for several seconds and I was about to throw out another name, but she let out a short wavering breath.</p>
<p>"No… it's you." The words hit me hard, and my world kind of spiraled out from under me.</p>
<p>"Oh." Was all I could think to say. Then I realized I had to say something, a rejection felt right, but qualified. Not forever, just until I got my shit together. "Angel, I'm not sure I'm in the headspace to react to this in the right way. I love you Angela, and if I wasn't an absolute mess I would totally be into trying something with you."</p>
<p>"But I picked an awful moment, and you can't think about romance right now." She nodded a few times, but I could see her disappointment and hurt. She had put herself out there for me, and I had pushed her away. I was a little furious at her for putting me into this position, but that anger wasn't really about her. It dawned on me she was trying to throw me a lifeline, she wanted to be my anchor, or maybe she needed someone too.</p>
<p>"Partially, although I have to admit it is nice to think about something good. I honestly never thought of you that way, but earlier today when you came to me after I… I found Jessica, I realized how pretty you are. You aren't my usual type, but I would be lucky to call you mine." I gave her a lopsided smile, but I knew it wasn't enough. Not a real explanation.</p>
<p>"So what're you saying?" She asked, and I had to try and figure out what I was feeling, and what I wanted.</p>
<p>"I don't know. Yes, maybe. Or, maybe we should wait. I mean I don't hold back with relationships, so if you don't want to come out yet… I may not be the most discrete choice." I felt awful, non-committal, and just stupid. My words came out like garbage on my tongue. I wanted to take it back, say something better. Instead she just looked at me in confusion.</p>
<p>"I don't care about that. Do you want to try?" I looked at her and realized she had given me an out. On one hand I could say yes and then we would be together. I could say no and potentially ruin a lifelong friendship. The wheels in my head and my heart turned a couple of times before I figured out my answer. I couldn't risk losing Angela, and we had something special, a deep respect and love that had been built for years. She was my best friend, and the idea of starting something more with her stilled my breath. Yet, I felt something in my stomach, a fear that was hard to articulate begin to build. I had a yes on my lips, I wanted to say yes…</p>
<p>"Not yet, not until I'm better." I found myself saying unexpectedly.</p>
<p>"I understand." She tried to smile, but I could see how much she was hurting.</p>
<p>"Angela, I'm not saying no. I'm pretty sure we're going to end up as a power couple with three beautiful kids and a huge circle of friends. I'm just not capable of being a good girlfriend right now." I tried to explain, but it felt so dismissive even as I said it.</p>
<p>"I get it, don't worry about it. In fact, forget I even brought it up." She said getting up, clearly trying to hold back tears.</p>
<p>"Angel, I will always be there for you." I said in minor desperation, hoping she might forgive me.</p>
<p>Her head was nodding at my reply, but she couldn't look at me. She got to the bathroom door and looked down. "I know. I think I'm gonna bunk over in Leah's room, it'll be too awkward tonight."</p>
<p>"Okay. Maybe you're right." She quickly disappeared through the Jack and Jill bathroom without another word. I almost stopped her, but that same fear kept me from moving. I moved back onto my bed, pulled off the dress and dropped it to the floor without a second thought, and curled up under my covers. I stared out the window at the large tree that dominated the backyard, watching it twitch in the breeze. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, wishing I had made a different choice.</p>
<p>At some point in the middle of the night I felt someone slip into bed with me. I turned hoping it was Angela making an aggressive play for me. Instead I came face to face with a pair of empty eyes. My mouth opened to scream, but instead I shut it and stared. Trying to figure out if this was a hallucination or something… stranger.</p>
<p>"Jessica?" I finally asked.</p>
<p>"Help me." She said again, in the same way as before. This time it was louder, easier to hear.</p>
<p>"How?" I replied, hoping she would tell me what she wanted me to do. Even though I was pretty sure I had finally lost my mind.</p>
<p>"Find him." I nodded my head, but reached out towards her, expecting my hand to go through her like a ghost. Yet my finger contacted something vaguely solid and deeply cold. Immediately the apparition's empty eyes widened and she opened her mouth to let loose a scream as she vanished in the blink of an eye.</p>
<p>"Fuck." I sat up and padded through the bathroom, before cracking the door open. Angela was curled up on the floor next to Leah's bed. Leah was snoring already. I knelt down next to Angela, and found her hand and squeezed it slightly. She woke up with a start, and blinked at me a few times. I gently pulled on her hand to follow me and after a second she got up, I didn't let go as I led her to my room. I closed the door behind me and turned her to face me. Then I pulled her towards me and leaned in, hoping she would realize I was apologizing for being stupid.</p>
<p>"You sure?" She asked, her eyes wide and glistening. I nodded once, and she smashed herself against me, kissing me fiercely.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Author's Note:</p>
<p>Dark, noir, mystery, serial killer, vampires. Kinda says it all right? Then you add Twilight, and... well no it doesn't work. I had to start this from the ground up, this isn't divergent, this is totally new. This is dark, occasionally brutally violent, and deeply emotional, it is after all a story about a serial killer. Bella will go through a lot in this, which is why she is so strong and aggressive. I haven't quite settled on relationships, but they do play a part in the story.</p>
<p>Changes to Canon:</p>
<p>Vampires:</p>
<p>They are a bit more traditional, but not completely. I will go over the rules in the story, but here is a short run down.<br/>I am keeping the idea that a single bite can cause a human to turn, although it doesn't take days.<br/>Sustained exposure to direct sunlight is lethal, however, there are magical solutions to this problem.<br/>Crosses have no effect on them.<br/>Stakes hurt but do not kill them instantly, if removed they will heal<br/>They can eat normally, including garlic, except for meat their stomachs burn it completely and draw no nutrients from it. Alcohol has a minor intoxicating effect.<br/>They have a reflection in mirrors<br/>They can technically have children with humans, but not with each other. Female vampires can carry, and during their pregnancy have more human traits.<br/>Immortality/Eternal youth is a benefit/curse. My vampires are not stuck developmentally at the age they are turned, so a child vamp would end up like Claudia. When a human is turned if they are older than 21-22 they revert back to that age, if they are younger they are perpetually that age.<br/>Powers - all vampires have increased strength, speed, stamina and can recover from pretty much any wound. However they are not invulnerable. Some have additional gifts, such as Jasper's emotional control and Kate's electrical touch.</p>
<p>Other stuff:</p>
<p>The Quileute are different in this, and do not turn into the wolf exclusively. Jacob, Leah and Seth may be destined to become Shifters, but are not necessarily going to turn into giant wolves. Shifters can also wield powerful shamanistic magics. Were-creatures are a bit different, and can turn a human through a bite much like vampires. There is more, but I don't want to go too much further into spoilers.</p>
<p>Carlisle Cullen an alternate timeline:</p>
<p>I'm putting this here because it will not show up in the story and it may be a curiosity. Carlisle left the Volturi much as he did in canon, except he was so shaken by his time there he realized he wanted to do things differently. He encountered a young charismatic Lord named Desmond that was dying of consumption (tuberculosis). He made an offer to turn him, in an attempt to form a family that followed his values. Desmond appeared to be a good match, a friend and possibly a surrogate son. Except Desmond was about as bad as possible, killing Carlisle on a whim. Desmond has a role in this story so I won't go into more details on his life. Because Carlisle was no longer alive, he never turned Edward or Esme. Rosalie's story is very different because she crossed paths with a different vampire. Alice and Jasper were turned by others, so they have their own story (again they are a part of the story so spoilers for them as well). Emmett unfortunately died in the bear attack.</p>
<p>There are a lot of Original characters in this story, some are smaller roles designed to fill a plot purpose. Others are far more integral to the story. There are some also repurposed canon characters. Sam Uley is now Samantha Uley. Jacob Black is younger and now Seth's best friend. Sue is married to Charlie, and they have a child on the way. Victoria has a vastly different role. The Denali have a slightly different role to play, and will be a bit more important.</p>
<p>Please take a moment to leave a review, I am looking forward to seeing how people enjoy this one.</p>
<p>Thank you for reading!</p>
<p>Next Up: A Good-ish Day</p></blockquote></div></div>
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